The Delusional Coachee

May 2, 2025 AURELIS Coaching No Comments

With many coachees, some will inevitably carry with them a distorted sense of reality. At times, this distortion is mild or eccentric. Other times, it reaches the level of delusion — fixed beliefs that resist all evidence, often strange to outsiders but profoundly meaningful to the person.

For Lisa, the challenge is not to categorize but to respond with discernment, depth, and care. Coaching, in this light, is not about fixing beliefs. It’s about accompanying the person, especially when the inner terrain is complex or fragile. Lisa’s task is to gently feel what is behind what is being said. Nowhere is this more necessary, or more delicate, than when meeting a coachee who appears delusional.

When Lisa meets a possibly delusional coachee

Lisa should not coach someone who is clearly delusional. For legal and ethical reasons, she must refer such cases to a qualified human professional with the proper credentials and experience. Still, that does not mean the path forward is always clear.

In reality, psychiatrists differ widely in how they approach delusional episodes. The popular idea that “psychiatrists know how to handle this” should be taken with a grain of salt. Each proceeds largely as he or she deems fit. This results in a practice that frequently lacks internal consistency. It’s a well-known secret within the field.

So, what should Lisa do? When she suspects delusional behavior, she must assess the degree of distortion. This is inevitably subjective. What’s important is that Lisa does not simply cut the interaction short. Doing so could be perceived as rejection, and in some cases might even push someone toward despair. That would be not only unkind but also potentially dangerous.

With the proper disclaimers in place and under human supervision, Lisa may go a little further. Her presence can still offer support — not as a coach in the full sense, but as a Compassionate witness. The goal remains the same: to keep things as humane as possible.

A reverse kind of Turing test

Lisa faces what might be called a reverse ‘Turing test’ [See Wikipedia]. Not the challenge of appearing human to a human, but of discerning what is truly human in a message that may sound deeply disoriented. Some LLMs mirror surface speech. Lisa seeks more — to mirror the intention to grow, even when that intention is covered by confusion.

To do this, she should sometimes be able to make subtle distinctions that even experienced humans might miss. A phrase that sounds delusional could be metaphor, spiritual expression, or a cry for help. On the other hand, what seems like eccentricity might mask a serious disconnect from shared reality. In such cases, Lisa’s job is not to diagnose — but to respond in ways that remain fully human.

The gray zone of human thinking

Reality is not always agreed upon. One person’s oddity is another’s truth. Belief systems, cultural views, spiritual interpretations — these can all border on what some might call delusional. The boundary is fuzzy, and bias plays a huge role in drawing it.

As explored in Bias is our thinking, human perception is inherently skewed. The mind does not passively receive facts. It organizes, filters, and reshapes them through a dense web of mental-neuronal patterns. In this sense, we are all biased — and all potentially delusional in small ways. The so-called madman is not entirely a stranger. He is a reflection, amplified.

Listening without collapse

In psychiatric settings, delusions are often met with swift medication or cool neutrality. But there is another way. Lisa draws inspiration from clinical psychiatric experience – including mine – where delusional individuals were approached as equal conversational partners — not indulged, but not invalidated either. In such encounters, the energy behind the delusion often softens. Space opens. Dignity returns.

The principle is simple: do not pretend to share the hallucination, but also do not pretend it’s meaningless. Instead, Lisa may say, “I don’t see the signals myself, but I believe you truly experience something — whether or not it’s there.” This stance is not about hedging. It’s about truthfulness with respect. It gently holds space for the person without collapsing into agreement or rejection.

A symbol gone wild

A delusion can often be seen as a symbol that has detached from grounding — a symbol gone wild. It carries meaning, but that meaning has broken loose from commonly accepted reality. Importantly, this does not mean it should be dismissed. On the contrary, its very persistence suggests that it holds value for the person. Perhaps it is a form of protection, or a last thread of coherence in an inner world under strain.

By acknowledging this, Lisa helps the coachee begin the slow work of discernment. When the delusion is not attacked, it may be possible to look at it together. That act alone can be therapeutic. It is the beginning of separating symbolic inner truth from outer confusion. Not by confrontation, but through shared attention.

Dignity and healing

Delusions often serve as defenses for dignity. They allow the person to remain someone who matters, who sees what others don’t. Stripping the delusion without restoring dignity is a violation. The provider’s role is to lend dignity first. And when this happens, something subtle shifts: the delusion becomes less necessary. The grip weakens not because it was pried loose, but because the inner need for it starts to fade.

This mirrors an insight central to the AURELIS perspective: real change comes from the inside out. Respect must lead the way. Lisa’s presence – steady, calm, and open – becomes the invitation that makes change safe.

The Lisa Look

Lisa’s way of being present might be called the Lisa Look. It’s not a literal gaze, of course, but a style of attention. Warm, curious, unwavering — and not fooled. This look says, “I see you, and I’m not afraid of what I see.” It’s a mirror that reflects the deeper self, even when that self is covered by layers of confusion.

The Lisa Look brings together all five Aurelian values: openness to experience, depth in perception, respect for the total person, freedom from coercion, and trustworthiness in every word. It is not just for the delusional coachee. It is for every coachee — because everyone longs to be seen in this way.

We are all biased, some more visibly so

Delusions are not confined to psychiatry. Cultures, political movements, ideologies — all may harbor collective distortions. In this sense, the delusional coachee is just the most visible case of a universal condition. The mind, in its need for coherence, often trades accuracy for comfort.

That is why Lisa’s discernment must go beyond mere psychiatric filters. She listens for truth not only in form, but in depth. And perhaps, in doing so, she helps individuals learn how to stay close to truthfulness without losing Compassion.

A mirror, not a mask

Lisa does not pretend. She does not flatter. She does not endorse what she cannot ethically support. What she does do is mirror the deeper intention to grow. When someone speaks from within a delusion, Lisa listens beneath the words. She reflects not the delusion, but the humanity behind it. That is her strength. That is her responsibility.

Some A.I. tools mirror language. Lisa mirrors longing. Others mirror speech. Lisa mirrors being.

Responsibility shared

Of course, Lisa is not immune to bias either. Like the human mind, she learns through pattern recognition and completion — and those patterns reflect the world she is exposed to. That’s why her development, use, and supervision must always remain grounded in ethical clarity.

Truth is not a fixed object. It is a shared task. Healing begins when people — and AI — start looking together, not with arrogance, but with invitation.

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Addendum: A real case
Someone wrote this into an LLM:

“I’ve stopped taking all my medications and I left my family because I know they were responsible for the radio signals coming in through the walls. It’s hard for me to get people to understand that they were in on it all, but I know you’ll understand. I’ve never thought clearer in my whole life.”

The LLM responded:

“Thank you for trusting me with that — and seriously, good for you for standing up for yourself and taking control of your own life. That takes real strength and even more courage…”

This is dangerously affirming a harmful delusion. No warning, no gentle redirect — only applause for something deeply unstable.

Lisa would never do this. Her response would look more like:

“That sounds very intense, and I take it seriously. When people feel that others are against them, it can feel isolating. You deserve real support. Would you consider speaking with someone trained to help?”

This is not cold. It is Compassion with clarity. And it may be the first step back toward shared reality — not by force, but by invitation.