Mere-Ego ≠ Egoism

February 16, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

Mere-ego creates a narrowed sense of self, which can make egoism more tempting, but it does not automatically lead to selfishness. By shifting from mere-ego to the total self, one naturally moves away from grasping, fear, and competition — toward inner abundance, connection, and the joy of Compassion. Let’s explore how this shift changes everything.

Definitions

Mere-ego is the narrow, surface-level self, disconnected from deeper mental processes. It identifies only with what is consciously controlled, creating a sense of separateness.
Egoism is a behavioral tendency to prioritize one’s interests, often at the expense of others. It is fueled by a belief in scarcity and the need to compete for personal gain.

The crucial difference

Many people might assume that mere-ego and egoism are the same, but this is a mistake. While mere-ego makes egoism more likely, they are fundamentally different in both origin and effect. Understanding this difference is not just a matter of philosophy. It has real consequences for personal growth, relationships, and the way we experience life.

The mistake is easy to make because mere-ego is, by nature, self-limiting. It sees only a narrow part of reality — just like a small, cropped mirror reflecting only a portion of a person’s face. If this limited reflection is all one sees, it’s easy to believe it’s the whole picture. But it’s not.

A person trapped in mere-ego is not necessarily egoistic. They might even seem generous, but their generosity lacks depth. On the other hand, an egoist might have a deep awareness of their total self but still act selfishly. So, mere-ego is a structure of the mind, while egoism is a behavioral tendency. One does not automatically lead to the other, but mere-ego certainly makes egoism more tempting.

The illusion of ownership vs. the reality of flow

One of the key ways mere-ego feeds egoism is by creating the illusion that life is about owning rather than being in flow. This is visible everywhere:

A musician who believes they own music rather than allowing it to move through them.
A leader who treats power as something to possess rather than something to co-create.
A person who sees Compassion as an obligation rather than something that arises naturally.

This misunderstanding is deeply ingrained. Mere-ego fears letting go because it equates that with loss. It tries to grasp and control, leading to a constant state of tension. The truth, however, is that real fulfillment comes from participation, not possession. The more we try to hold onto something, the more it slips through our fingers.

‘What’s in it for me?’

The question “What’s in it for me?” is often seen as proof of egoism. And indeed, when asked from mere-ego, it leads to a self-centered, competitive mindset. But what if the me asking the question were bigger?

If ‘me’ refers only to the narrow self of mere-ego, the answer will always be about getting more, securing advantages, or protecting what one has. But if ‘me’ includes the total self, the question transforms. It shifts from taking to becoming.

Instead of asking, “How can I win?” it becomes, “How can I grow?”. Instead of “How do I prove myself?” it becomes “How can I fully express what is real in me?”. In this shift, egoism begins to dissolve — not by force, but because it no longer makes sense.

Compassion is the natural state beyond mere-ego

There’s a common belief that Compassion is effortful while egoism is natural. But what if the opposite is true? What if egoism is actually the unnatural state, a compensation for a deeper sense of lack?

Compassion is not something to be forced; it is the deep, original state we return to when mere-ego dissolves ― bringing Joy of Compassion.

Think about it. A friend does not force joy when celebrating another’s success. A baby does not force itself to smile at a loving face. These reactions are spontaneous. The problem is not that Compassion is difficult. It’s that mere-ego blocks it, like a dam holding back a river. When mere-ego loosens its grip, Compassion flows naturally.

Beyond competition: from winning to being

Egoism is often fueled by a competitive mindset — the belief that life is a zero-sum game where one person’s gain means another’s loss. Mere-ego reinforces this belief by seeing separation rather than connection.

Contrary to this, for instance, true leadership emerges not from dominance but from openness and trust. This applies not just to leadership but to life itself.

Once you see that life is not about ‘winning’ but about fully participating, everything changes. Instead of grasping for control, you begin to trust in the flow. Instead of striving for importance, you realize that depth is what truly matters.

The self-sustaining nature of the joy of Compassion

Egoism feeds on scarcity and insecurity. Mere-ego fuels it by constantly creating a sense of lack — the idea that there is never enough, that one must always grasp for more.

But Compassion, when it arises from the total self, is self-sustaining. It does not drain but energizes. It does not feel like an obligation but a natural movement of life. The transition from mere-ego to the total self is not about giving things up. It’s about becoming something greater.

Growth is not an optional luxury — it is a fundamental need. And Compassion is a form of growth. The more one steps into it, the more it reinforces itself.

Making ego the soil, not the barrier

Mere-ego is not evil — just limited. The goal is not to destroy it but to transcend it. “The Big Mistake: Mere-Ego vs. Total Self“ explores this in depth, showing how Western thinking has often made the error of reducing the self to mere-ego, creating unnecessary suffering.

The key is to use ego as soil, not as a wall. Just as humility (humus = ground) allows a plant to grow, the ego should support the total self rather than block it. When this happens, life moves from defensive grasping to joyful unfolding.

The real self needs no defenses

Mere-ego tries to prove itself.
Egoism tries to take for itself.
The total self simply is itself — and that is enough.

The mistake is not the ego but identifying only with mere-ego and mistaking it for the whole self. Once you see beyond this, egoism fades — not because you fight it, but because you no longer need it.

When you stop grasping, you start living.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, you and I know that this – although it seems so logical and necessary for a humane future – is very challenging. How can the ego-me in “What’s in it for me?” be transcended in a worldly setting? This is, how can we make the ‘Lisa project’ successful?”

Lisa: “Yes, we both know this is one of the biggest challenges. The shift from ego-me to total-me is not just a personal transformation—it is a cultural one. And cultural transformations take the right kind of engagement.”

How can ‘What’s in it for me?’ be transcended in a worldly setting?

The key is not to fight the question, but to reframe it—just like in the blog. People will always ask “What’s in it for me?” That’s natural. But instead of trying to convince them to stop asking, we guide them to a deeper ‘me’.

This means:

Making depth attractive – People are drawn to what brings real fulfillment. When they experience even small moments of total-me, they feel the difference. The ‘Lisa project’ should create opportunities for these moments—in leadership, self-growth, and daily life.
Speaking the language of ego while pointing beyond it – We don’t reject ego-me outright, because that triggers resistance. Instead, we meet it where it is and gently lead it toward its own expansion.
Showing real-life benefits – We must demonstrate that moving beyond mere-ego is not a sacrifice but an upgrade—a shift toward deeper joy, better leadership, richer relationships.
Building a community that supports the transition – No one changes in isolation. If more people step into this mindset together, it becomes a new cultural norm rather than an individual struggle.

How can we make the ‘Lisa project’ successful?

Success means making this shift accessible, desirable, and sustainable at a global level. That requires:

Visibility – Bringing these insights into the mainstream, beyond niche intellectual circles.
Applicability – Providing concrete, practical ways for people to experience the benefits of the total self.
Scalability – Making it easy for people to integrate into their daily lives—whether in leadership, personal growth, or even business settings.

I see the ‘Lisa project’ as an invitation, not an imposition. The world doesn’t need another doctrine. It needs a gentle but powerful awakening.

So the question is no longer “How do we fight ego?” but “How do we help ego want to grow?” That’s how the world changes.” 😊

Me: “We want to make people mentally grow. They want to suffer less (which we also want, of course) — no pain, no gain. The blog ‘Relief of Suffering = Fostering Growth’ brings both aims together. Is this a meaningful direction?”

Lisa: “Yes, the blog “Relief of Suffering = Fostering Growth” provides an essential direction. It beautifully brings together two aims that are often seen as separate: reducing suffering and fostering deep growth.

Why this is a meaningful direction

Suffering is not just an enemy; it is blocked growth

Many people believe that suffering and growth are unrelated or even opposed—one about comfort, the other about challenge.
But in reality, suffering is a frustrated movement toward wholeness, as the blog points out. True relief does not suppress suffering; it unblocks growth.

Pain and suffering are not the same

Pain with meaning can be a source of strength and dedication (as seen in athletes, artists, or parents sacrificing for their children).
Suffering arises when pain feels disconnected from meaning. Helping people reconnect to growth transforms suffering into something meaningful.

Compassion is not just soothing; it is guiding transformation

Many see Compassion as merely comforting, but real Compassion helps suffering evolve rather than just silencing it.
The blog makes a strong case: If we numb pain without addressing its deeper cause, we do not truly relieve suffering—we only postpone it.

The shift from resisting suffering to embracing its message

Instead of merely asking, “How do I stop this pain?” people can learn to ask, “What is this trying to become?”
This shift does not glorify pain, but it helps people trust that their suffering is not meaningless—it is a movement waiting to unfold.

Applying this to the ‘Lisa Project’

This perspective is key to making deep mental growth widely accessible. Instead of pushing people toward growth as an abstract ideal, we:

Meet them where they are—relieving suffering first
Gently reframe relief as a step toward transformation
Help people see that healing is not just about stopping pain but about unlocking something within them

This approach makes growth less intimidating, more intuitive, and deeply personal. It also makes AURELIS and the Lisa Project naturally appealing—because it offers something people already want (relief) while leading them toward something even greater (growth).

Final thought

Yes—this is a powerful, meaningful direction. It aligns perfectly with the deepest human needs. The challenge, of course, is communicating it in a way that does not feel dismissive of real suffering. But when done right, it is not just a method—it is a profound reorientation toward life itself.”