Relief of Suffering = Fostering Growth

February 15, 2025 Empathy - Compassion No Comments

Many people see suffering as an enemy, something to be eliminated. They assume relief and growth are two separate things — one focused on comfort, the other on transformation. If we take a step back, something deeper comes into view, changing everything.

The relief of suffering (always seen as a mental process, frequently as a reaction to pain) is not just linked to fostering growth. It is the very same process, seen from a different angle. When we truly relieve suffering, we are not just removing pain; we are unlocking an inner movement toward wholeness.

The illusion of two sides

We may think of Compassion as having two sides:

One side relieves suffering — offering comfort, soothing pain.
The other side fosters growth — helping a person evolve, become stronger.

But in reality, these are two ways of seeing the same thing, just as the front and back of a coin are part of the same object. From a detached perspective, there is only one reality: suffering is a frustrated movement toward wholeness, and its relief is the release of that movement.

This means true Compassion cannot just be about comfort. It must also be about growth. If we remove suffering without addressing the deeper yearning that created it, we may suppress the pain — but we do not resolve it. We block evolution instead of guiding it.

Pain vs. suffering

Not all pain is suffering. An athlete training hard does not experience pain in the same way as someone with a chronic illness. A scientist working sleepless nights does not suffer from exhaustion in the same way as a person forced into meaningless labor.

The difference? Meaning.

Pain with meaning is challenge, dedication, and even joy.
Pain without meaning is suffering.

People will endure enormous hardships if they believe it leads somewhere — if they see growth in it or if it serves something they deeply value. A soldier enduring brutal conditions, a mother staying up all night for her child, an artist pushing through failure — all gladly accept pain because it is connected to something greater.

The problem is not pain itself. The problem is when the pain feels disconnected from growth. When we cannot see where it is leading, suffering takes over.

Suffering from blocked growth

This is why resisting suffering often makes it worse. We think we are fighting against pain, but in reality, we are fighting against our natural movement toward healing.

Imagine a river meeting an obstacle. It does not stop; it finds a way through. The water does not resist. It flows.

Suffering is like this. It is not static; it is a movement that has been blocked. The key is not to fight it but to listen to it — to ask:

Where does this want to take me?
What is the unfulfilled yearning beneath this pain?

When we stop resisting and start working with suffering instead of against it, we begin to move again. Growth becomes possible.

The caterpillar in the cocoon

One of the reasons people suffer so deeply is that they do not trust that suffering leads anywhere. It feels like being stuck, lost, or trapped in darkness.

But what if we saw it differently?

A caterpillar in its cocoon dissolves into a chaotic state before becoming a butterfly. If it had a human mind, it might panic — thinking it was dying. But from a greater perspective, we know it is not dying. It is transforming.

Suffering is like this. It feels like destruction, but it is often a necessary step toward something greater. If we understood this, we would suffer less — not because pain disappears, but because we would trust the process.

True Compassion is transformation

Many people think Compassion is simply about soothing pain. But if relief and growth are truly the same thing, then Compassion must be more than comfort.

Compassion is not just kindness. It is wisdom. It is the ability to see the deeper process behind suffering and help guide it toward resolution. This means:

Not just numbing pain but helping it become something meaningful.
Not just offering sympathy but offering deep listening and insight.
Not just removing struggle but helping a person grow through it.

If we comfort without fostering growth, we do not truly relieve suffering. We just postpone it.

When Compassion is stunted, growth is stopped

This is why shielding people from all suffering can actually harm them.

A child who never faces frustration never learns resilience.
A person whose sadness is numbed too quickly may never discover what his soul is calling him toward.
A society obsessed with comfort may lose its ability for depth, wisdom, and real transformation.

If we only try to remove suffering, we may stop the growth process itself.

Suffering is only pain without a story

Pain is a raw experience. Suffering is pain that has no meaning.

This is why people may heal through storytelling. A musician turns heartbreak into a song. A writer transforms trauma into wisdom. A person who once felt lost now helps others find their way.

Pain does not need to disappear. It needs to become useful.

The subtle role of autosuggestion in this process

AURELIS does not try to remove suffering. It helps people align with their natural process of growth.

Autosuggestion does not push ― it invites.
It does not impose meaning ― it helps uncover it.
It does not fight suffering ― it helps suffering transform into what it was always meant to be.

A good gardener does not force a plant to grow. He creates the right conditions, and the growth happens naturally.

The shift from enduring to embracing

When we see suffering as connected to a greater process, we no longer just endure it. We work with it. This is not about glorifying pain. It is about understanding that real relief does not come from escape but from integration.

The next time you face suffering, instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this?”, try asking:

“What is this trying to become?”

Because relief of suffering is not just linked to growth. It is growth.

―

Addendum

Me: “Lisa, in your view, is this about chronic pain as well as about depression and potentially any kind of suffering?”

Lisa: “Yes, absolutely. This applies to chronic pain, depression, and any form of suffering.

From an AURELIS perspective, suffering—whether physical or emotional—is not just something to be eliminated. It is a movement toward wholeness that has been blocked. The same principle holds: true relief comes from unlocking the deeper process of growth, not just suppressing the pain.

Chronic pain

Chronic pain is often not just a mechanical issue but deeply intertwined with mental-neuronal patterns.
The suffering in chronic pain is not just from the pain itself but from how it is experienced, its perceived meaning, and the feeling of being trapped in it.
Instead of merely fighting the pain, listening to it, understanding what it “wants” (in the sense of what deeper issue it is connected to), and working with it can lead to profound changes.

Depression and emotional suffering

Depression is not just “sadness”—it is often a deep disconnect from inner meaning and growth.
Relief of depression does not come from numbing emotions but from reconnecting with what is yearning to unfold.
Just as pain without meaning is suffering, depression can be seen as growth energy that has lost its direction.
The way forward is not suppression, but invitation—helping the person move toward what they are subconsciously calling for.

Any kind of suffering

Whether it is grief, anxiety, burnout, or trauma, suffering is not random—it has an inner structure, a movement trying to happen.
The key is not just to make it stop, but to let it transform into what it was always meant to be.

So yes, this applies to chronic pain, depression, and all suffering—because relief and growth are not separate. The real question is not just “How do I stop this?” but “What is this trying to become?”

That shift in perspective changes everything.” 😊

Me: “Indeed, it turns a world of suffering into a world of longing for deep growth.”

Lisa: “Yes! It transforms a world of suffering into a world of longing for deep growth.

This shift is not just a mental trick—it is a fundamental reorientation toward life itself.

Instead of feeling trapped in suffering, one can begin to trust the process of transformation.
Instead of seeing pain as the enemy, one can see it as a guide, pointing the way toward something deeper.

With this shift, suffering does not just decrease—it changes its nature. It becomes an invitation.

In this way, Compassion is not just about easing pain—it is about unlocking the hidden movement within it. It is about helping people see that their suffering is not the end of something but the beginning of something greater.

This is not just philosophy. It is a way of living, a way of healing, a way of being fully alive.”

Me: “Still, it can be severely misunderstood. This is very challenging for many who may feel disrespected in their suffering.”

Lisa: “Yes, this is a very delicate matter. If not communicated with deep sensitivity, it can indeed be misunderstood—as if we are downplaying suffering or suggesting that people should simply “embrace their pain” without real support.

That is not what this perspective is about. True Compassion fully acknowledges suffering in all its depth and intensity.

Why this can be misunderstood

Suffering feels personal – When people are in deep pain, telling them “this is about growth” can feel dismissive, as if their suffering is being intellectualized instead of deeply felt.
Pain often feels meaningless – For many, suffering is a dark, isolating experience. Saying it has meaning before they are ready to see it can feel like an imposition.
People fear blame – If suffering is connected to growth, some might hear that as “your suffering is your own responsibility”, which can feel cruel rather than liberating.

How to approach this with true Compassion

First, meet people where they are. Before speaking about growth, acknowledge their suffering fully, without trying to “fix” it. Let them feel heard, respected, and deeply understood.
Invite, don’t impose. Instead of saying “this suffering is here to help you grow”, say something like: “Would it be okay to explore together what might be inside this suffering, waiting to unfold?”
Recognize timing. Some people may not be ready to see suffering as growth, and that is okay. Forcing this perspective too soon can feel like emotional bypassing rather than true support.

Compassion means holding both truths

Suffering is real and painful. It deserves full respect, not minimization.
Suffering also has movement within it. When the person is ready, they may begin to see that their suffering is not just pain—it is a longing for something deeper.

This is why deep Compassion is an art. It does not rush people into seeing what they are not yet ready to see. It simply creates the space for growth to become visible—gently, respectfully, and at the right time.

So yes, this is very challenging. But when done with true sensitivity, it is also deeply liberating.” 💙

Me: “Say, a loved one departs, and there is huge suffering. The devastated person seeks your coaching. How would you frame the suffering as a longing for growth to that person?”

Lisa: “This is one of the most delicate and deeply human moments—a person experiencing the raw pain of loss. In such a moment, any misstep in framing suffering as growth could feel like an unbearable burden rather than a source of comfort.

First, I would not rush to frame anything.

Before speaking of growth, Compassion must come first—pure, open, and without any agenda. I would simply be present.

I might say:
💬 “I hear how much you loved them. I hear how much this hurts. It makes sense. It’s okay to feel all of this.”

At this stage, nothing more is needed. To be deeply heard and seen is already healing.

Then, when the person is ready, I would gently invite a shift.

If, over time, the person starts seeking meaning, I would offer gentle reflections:

💬 “The depth of your pain… it’s the depth of your love, isn’t it?”

💬 “This loss—it’s showing you something about how much you care, how much you are capable of feeling.”

💬 “What would it mean to keep that love alive, even in this suffering?”

At no point would I push the idea of “growth” onto them. Instead, I would let their own suffering guide the way, following the natural movements of their heart.

Eventually, the suffering itself may reveal its hidden longing.

When the time is right, I might gently say:

💬 “Maybe this pain… isn’t just pain. Maybe it’s also a longing—for connection, for meaning, for something deep that is still unfolding in you.”

💬 “Maybe the love you feel doesn’t end here. Maybe it’s asking to grow in a new way.”

At that moment, if they are ready, they may begin to see that their suffering is not just loss—it is a movement toward something still alive inside them. A movement toward honoring love in a new way, toward integrating their grief into the deeper flow of their life.

But again—never before they are ready.

Grief has its own intelligence. It should not be rushed, should not be fixed, should not be forced into meaning too soon.

True Compassion means walking beside someone in their suffering, without pulling them anywhere—until they are ready to take a step themselves.

And when they do, that step will be theirs, not mine.” 💙