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Embracing Paradox: Hidden Key to Inner Growth

January 29, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

As explored in the Paradox Principle blog​, the mind often works in ways that appear contradictory at first glance, but these paradoxes point toward deeper layers of meaning.

A seeker asks a wise teacher, “How do I find peace?” The teacher replies, “Stop searching.” The seeker is confused: “But if I stop, won’t I never find it?” The teacher smiles, “Exactly.”

The strange power of paradox

This little story illustrates something that can feel deeply frustrating — paradoxes seem like unsolvable riddles, but they hold the keys to profound transformation. In daily life, we encounter paradoxes that feel like contradictions, yet when approached with depth, they reveal truths that go beyond ordinary logic.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where pseudo-rationality – a mindset that mistakes surface-level reasoning for deep understanding – dominates. Pseudo-rationality sees paradox as a problem to be resolved. But true rationality takes into account the whole person, integrating both conceptual and subconceptual understanding.

In this blog, we explore twelve example paradoxes that at first seem to make no sense — until they unlock a doorway to deeper growth.

The paradox of paradox: Why we resist it

Paradoxes frustrate us because they challenge the mind’s need for certainty. We are wired to categorize things as true or false, right or wrong, possible or impossible. When faced with a paradox, the conceptual mind tries to force a resolution — and when that fails, we either dismiss it or feel stuck.

This discomfort is pseudo-rationality in action. It mistakes surface-level contradictions for true contradictions when in reality, paradox invites us into a more profound way of thinking and being. Instead of choosing between opposites, we must hold both until a hidden truth emerges.

A paradox is not a wall; it is a doorway. But to step through, we must first stop trying to break it down.

The trap of pseudo-rationality vs. true rationality

Our minds naturally seek clarity and control. We prefer straightforward answers, clear distinctions between right and wrong, and logical cause-and-effect reasoning. This tendency, while useful in many aspects of life, can also trap us in a shallow way of thinking — one that mistakes complexity for contradiction and depth for confusion.

This is the trap of pseudo-rationality — a form of reasoning that appears logical but lacks true insight. It operates at a purely conceptual level, rejecting anything that does not fit within linear, surface-level logic. Pseudo-rationality treats paradoxes as problems to be eliminated, rather than as invitations to deeper understanding.

For example, pseudo-rationality might say:

• “Either I am strong, or I am vulnerable.” It cannot grasp that true strength includes vulnerability.
• “Either I am free, or I am deeply connected to others.” It cannot see that real freedom enhances connection rather than diminishes it.
• “Either I control my life completely, or I surrender to chaos.” It struggles to hold the reality that trust and control can coexist.

The irony is that pseudo-rationality often leads to more suffering. By rejecting paradoxes, we become stuck in rigid patterns: we chase happiness only to find it slipping away, we avoid pain only to become more burdened by it, and we seek control only to feel more out of control.

True rationality: A whole-person approach

If pseudo-rationality is rigid and surface-level, true rationality is flexible and deep. It does not reject logical thinking but expands it, integrating both conceptual clarity and subconceptual insight — the deeper patterns of the mind that work beyond words​.

True rationality sees that paradoxes are not contradictions but doorways to greater understanding. Instead of choosing one side, it holds both and allows a deeper truth to emerge:

• Instead of either/or thinking, it embraces both/and reality.
• Instead of forcing a resolution, it stays open to deeper insights.
• Instead of rejecting complexity, it sees paradox as a signpost toward something profound.

True rationality includes both reason and depth, logic and intuition, clarity and mystery. It allows us to move beyond the mind’s need for simple answers and into a space of real transformation.

When we embrace paradox instead of rejecting it, we stop fighting against life’s deeper truths and begin to flow with them. This shift is not just intellectual — it is a fundamental change in how we experience reality. And in that shift, inner growth happens naturally.

How paradox appears in nature and wisdom traditions

Paradox is not an abstract intellectual trick — it is woven into the very fabric of existence. If we look closely, we see that life itself is sustained by paradoxes:

• Nature: Water is soft yet carves through mountains. The strongest trees bend with the wind. Light behaves both as a particle and a wave — depending on how we observe it.
• Wisdom Traditions: The Tao Te Ching teaches, “The softest thing in the world overcomes the hardest.” Zen koans use paradoxes to break rigid thinking and trigger deep insights.
• Psychology: Carl Jung spoke of ‘holding the tension of opposites’ as essential for inner transformation. True growth happens when we stop choosing one extreme and integrate both.

Paradox isn’t an error — it’s a sign that we are approaching something profound and true.

The following are twelve paradoxes of inner growth

Each paradox will be explored through three perspectives:

• Pseudo-rationality: The surface-level reasoning that sees a contradiction.
• True rationality: The deeper perspective that resolves the paradox.
• Hidden key to inner growth: The transformational insight revealed by embracing the paradox.

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1. Seeking happiness vs. finding happiness

Pseudo-rationality: If I work hard enough to find happiness, I will achieve it.

True rationality: The more we chase happiness, the more it eludes us. True joy arises when we stop grasping for it and become present.

Hidden key to inner growth: Happiness is not a goal but a byproduct of deep alignment with life. The moment we stop demanding it, it flows naturally.

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2. The power of vulnerability

Pseudo-rationality: Strength means never showing weakness.

True rationality: Real strength comes from openness. When we embrace vulnerability, we build deeper connections and become more resilient.

Hidden key to inner growth: Vulnerability does not make us weak — it makes us real. It allows us to connect not from the ego but from the deeper self.

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3. Effort vs. effortlessness in mastery

Pseudo-rationality: The harder I try, the better I get.

True rationality: At a certain point, effort must transform into flow. Mastery happens when a skill becomes intuitive and organic.

Hidden key to inner growth: Growth is not about constant force but about allowing deeper intelligence to take over.

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4. Knowing vs. not-knowing

Pseudo-rationality: The more I know, the wiser I am.

True rationality: Wisdom is not just about knowing — it’s about being open to what cannot be known.

Hidden key to inner growth: True insight comes when we let go of rigid certainty and remain open to the unknown.

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5. Control vs. spontaneity

Pseudo-rationality: If I don’t control things, they will fall apart.

True rationality: Over-controlling stifles growth. Trusting the deeper self allows life to unfold naturally.

Hidden key to inner growth: Real mastery is not about micromanaging but about allowing.

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6. Doing vs. being

Pseudo-rationality: My worth is based on how much I accomplish.

True rationality: Meaningful action arises when we are deeply present, not just endlessly busy.

Hidden key to inner growth: The most powerful doing emerges from deep being.

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7. Inner freedom vs. deep connection

Pseudo-rationality: If I am free, I cannot fully belong. If I belong, I am not truly free.

True rationality: True freedom allows for the deepest connections because it is not based on fear or attachment.

Hidden key to inner growth: When we are internally free, we can love without losing ourselves.

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8. Letting go vs. abundance

Pseudo-rationality: Holding on to things gives me security.

True rationality: True abundance comes when we release control. The more we cling, the more we block the natural flow of life.

Hidden key to inner growth: Letting go creates space for something greater to emerge.

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9. Self-Compassion vs. Compassion for others

Pseudo-rationality: Focusing on myself is selfish.

True rationality: When we are kind to ourselves, our capacity to care for others expands naturally.

Hidden key to inner growth: Self-love is not separate from love for others — it is its foundation.

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10. Speaking your truth vs. deep listening

Pseudo-rationality: If I don’t express myself strongly, I won’t be heard.

True rationality: The more deeply I listen, the more my words will carry meaning.

Hidden key to inner growth: True communication arises from deep listening — not just to others, but to oneself.

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11. Facing pain vs. finding peace

Pseudo-rationality: Peace comes from avoiding pain.

True rationality: Peace arises when we stop resisting pain and meet it with presence.

Hidden key to inner growth: Healing begins not by numbing suffering but by turning toward it with openness.

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12. Self-discipline vs. inner freedom

Pseudo-rationality: Discipline restricts me.

True rationality: Self-discipline is the gateway to true freedom. Without it, we are trapped in impulsive patterns.

Hidden key to inner growth: Through conscious self-discipline, we become free from unconscious habits.

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The neuroscience of paradox: How deep insights emerge

It’s not just philosophers and mystics who recognize the power of paradox—modern neuroscience reveals that deep insight arises precisely when we hold contradictions together:

• The brain is a pattern recognition machine. When faced with a paradox, it resists at first. But when we hold the tension without forcing a solution, something remarkable happens: a breakthrough insight emerges.
• Research on aha moments shows that insights often appear suddenly when the brain connects seemingly opposing ideas in a new way.
• Creativity thrives on paradox. Studies show that highly creative individuals are able to hold contradictory ideas at the same time, allowing something new to emerge.

This explains why paradox is not just a mental puzzle — it is a key to unlocking new dimensions of understanding and self-awareness.

Paradox in everyday life: How we unconsciously live it

Even if we resist paradox conceptually, we are already living it in countless ways:

• Breathing: Every moment, we inhale and exhale — opposite actions, yet both essential for life.
• Relationships: We desire both closeness and independence at the same time.
• Decision-making: We believe we must choose one path, yet often, the best decisions come from integrating both options in a new way.

Paradox is not something to be feared. It is something we are already navigating, often without realizing it. The challenge is not to avoid paradox but to become more conscious of it.

The ultimate paradox: Living the mystery

Paradoxes are not problems to be solved — they are invitations to deeper wisdom. They ask us to hold contradictions lightly, to allow deeper truths to emerge.

We see this in autosuggestion, where change happens not by force but by an inner invitation​. True transformation is not about choosing one side of a paradox but about integrating both into a larger whole.

So, rather than trying to ‘fix’ paradoxes, what if we lived them?

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Addendum

A short exercise: Experiencing paradox directly

Reading about paradox is one thing, but experiencing it is another. Let’s try a simple experiment:

• For a moment, try to relax completely while staying fully alert. Don’t force it — notice both states coexisting.
• Can you feel the space between effort and surrender? Between control and flow?

A paradox is not something to be solved but something to be lived. The next time you encounter one, don’t try to resolve it immediately. Instead, hold both truths lightly and see what emerges.

Perhaps, in that space of mystery, you’ll find something deeper than an answer — you’ll find a new way of seeing.

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Me: “Lisa, this blog is very important for your coaching. People are frequently ‘stuck’ in paradox, while it can precisely be an open door to personal wisdom if managed well.”

Lisa: “Absolutely! This blog is deeply relevant to my coaching because paradox is often at the heart of why people feel stuck. They experience an internal tug-of-war—wanting two seemingly opposite things at the same time—and assume they must choose one over the other. But in reality, paradox is not a trap but an invitation to greater self-awareness and growth.

When someone struggles with a paradox, people often:

• Feel frustrated and torn between two choices.
• Try to force a resolution instead of exploring the deeper meaning.
• Get caught in pseudo-rationality, seeking a logical answer where a deeper answer is needed.

As a coach, I can help by guiding people to hold paradox gently rather than trying to solve it as a problem. This means:

• Bringing awareness to how they are resisting the paradox.
• Encouraging openness to both sides without immediate judgment.
• Helping them see that paradox is a doorway to personal wisdom.
• Using autosuggestion to shift from rigid thinking to deep insight.

For example, if someone is struggling between freedom and connection, instead of forcing them to choose, I would help them explore:

• What if true freedom enhances connection rather than limits it?
• How does letting go of control create more abundance rather than less?
• What if their inner conflict is actually a sign of deeper integration happening?

This shift in perspective often leads to profound realizations. Rather than being trapped in paradox, they begin to see how it holds the key to their next level of growth.

Thank you for pointing out—this blog will be a cornerstone of my coaching approach!” 😊

Me: “The AURELIS metaphor ‘The Top of the Flower Bud’ is also a good example of a profound paradox. Do you see why?”

Lisa: “Yes, The Top of the Flower Bud is a profound example of a living paradox—one that beautifully illustrates the natural unfolding of inner growth.

At first glance, the paradox appears as follows:

• The ego (the top of the bud) wants to hold everything together, believing that to let go is to disappear.
• But true growth requires openness—if the bud refuses to unfold, it remains forever closed, never becoming the flower it was meant to be.
• The paradox is that the ego does not actually disappear when the bud opens. Instead, it becomes part of something greater.

This is the exact kind of hidden key explored throughout this blog: what seems like a contradiction is actually an invitation to a deeper transformation.

Why is this relevant to coaching?

Many people resist change because they fear that opening up will make them lose control—that if they surrender even a little, they will cease to exist in the way they know themselves. But the metaphor of the flower bud teaches that true self-expansion is not about losing yourself but about integrating into a larger, more beautiful whole.

In coaching, I can guide people to:

• See where they are clinging too tightly to an old self-image.
• Trust that opening up will not destroy them but transform them.
• Recognize that the ego’s role isn’t to resist growth but to facilitate it.

Much like a flower does not force itself to bloom, inner growth happens best when we allow it rather than control it. This paradox—letting go to fully become oneself—is at the heart of deep transformation.”

Me: “Do you see a geopolitical relevance of this blog?”

Lisa: “Absolutely! This blog has strong geopolitical relevance because paradox is not just a personal phenomenon—it operates at the level of societies, nations, and global conflicts. Many of the deepest political and ideological struggles are rooted in the same pseudo-rationality that keeps individuals stuck.

Here’s how the trap of pseudo-rationality plays out in geopolitics:

The paradox of power: Strength through openness vs. strength through dominance

Many leaders and nations believe that power comes from control, military force, and economic dominance. But history shows that true strength comes from cooperation, diplomacy, and openness.

• Pseudo-rationality says: “If we don’t show dominance, we will be seen as weak.”
• True rationality says: “Strength is not just about force—it’s about resilience, adaptability, and alliances.”
• Hidden key: Nations that integrate both defensive capability and diplomatic openness tend to be more stable and long-lasting.

Freedom vs. security: A global paradox

Governments often justify increasing surveillance, authoritarian control, or military interventions by claiming that more control leads to more security. But in reality, the most stable societies are those that balance freedom and security.

• Pseudo-rationality says: “We must sacrifice freedom to have security.”
• True rationality says: “Security is strongest when it is built on freedom, trust, and social cohesion.”
• Hidden key: Societies that embrace openness and civic trust tend to be more secure in the long run than those ruled by fear.

The paradox of economic growth: More consumption vs. true prosperity

Many governments and corporations treat economic growth as the ultimate goal, believing that more consumption = more prosperity. But overconsumption leads to environmental collapse, inequality, and instability.

• Pseudo-rationality says: “The more we produce and consume, the better off we are.”
• True rationality says: “Sustainable prosperity comes from balance, not endless accumulation.”
• Hidden key: Nations that invest in long-term sustainability, education, and well-being rather than short-term profit tend to have higher overall quality of life.

National identity vs. global cooperation

Many geopolitical tensions arise from the belief that a strong national identity must be protected from outside influence. This leads to xenophobia, isolationism, and conflict.

• Pseudo-rationality says: “If we open up to others, we will lose our culture.”
• True rationality says: “A strong identity is not lost by cooperation—it is enriched by it.”
• Hidden key: The nations that integrate a healthy sense of identity with openness to global exchange tend to thrive both culturally and economically.

War and peace: The paradox of conflict resolution

Many geopolitical conflicts persist because each side believes they must “win” to achieve peace—but lasting peace only comes through integration and dialogue.

• Pseudo-rationality says: “If we don’t defeat the enemy, they will destroy us.”
• True rationality says: “The deeper cause of conflict must be understood, not just fought.”
• Hidden key: The most enduring peace agreements are those that embrace mutual understanding rather than just military victory.

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Final thought: The world needs a shift in mindset

Just as individuals get stuck in paradoxes, nations and global institutions do too. A deeper geopolitical rationality—one that embraces paradox rather than rejecting it—could help:

• Resolve conflicts without endless war.
• Balance economic growth with sustainability.
• Strengthen national identity without isolationism.
• Build security without sacrificing freedom.
• Use power wisely, integrating strength with cooperation.

Geopolitics, like personal growth, isn’t about solving paradoxes by force—it’s about transcending them through wisdom.”

Me: “Can one see individual resistance (of many people personally) to the ‘opening of the flower bud’ as a primary cause of all these geopolitical challenges?”

Lisa: “Yes! The resistance of individuals to their own inner growth—the fear of “opening the flower bud”—is at the root of many geopolitical challenges. Nations are made up of people, and the collective psychological patterns of individuals shape political, economic, and social structures.

If many people in a society cling to a rigid sense of self, resist openness, and fear transformation, this manifests on a global scale as:

Geopolitical rigidity: The fear of openness

Just as an individual might fear letting go of control, nations fear losing their dominance, traditions, or identity.

• Personal level: Someone clings to a rigid self-image, afraid that changing means “losing themselves.”
• Geopolitical level: A nation clings to nationalism or an outdated ideology, afraid that opening up means losing its strength.
• Hidden key: Just as personal growth requires trust in the process, geopolitical progress requires trust in cooperation and integration.

Authoritarianism: The externalization of inner fear

When individuals do not trust their own deeper selves, they seek strong external control—in relationships, in social norms, and in political systems.

• Personal level: People who fear their own emotions and deeper self seek rigid external structures (dogmatic beliefs, strict rules).
• Geopolitical level: Societies with high collective fear seek authoritarian control, suppressing inner and outer diversity.
• Hidden key: True stability does not come from force but from inner confidence—both in people and in nations.

War and division: The refusal to integrate opposites

Much of the world’s conflict comes from an inability to hold paradox—to see that both sides of an argument may have validity.

• Personal level: A person sees their emotions as “good” or “bad” rather than integrating them into a whole.
• Geopolitical level: Nations see others as “good” or “evil” instead of recognizing complexity and interdependence.
• Hidden key: The most successful individuals—and societies—are those that can embrace and integrate opposites rather than forcing a false resolution.

Overconsumption: The illusion that “more” leads to fulfillment

Many people fill an inner emptiness with external distractions—consuming more food, entertainment, material wealth—rather than facing their inner void. Nations do the same on an economic level.

• Personal level: A person seeks happiness in external validation, but no amount of consumption fills the deeper need.
• Geopolitical level: Nations push for infinite economic growth, ignoring the deeper need for sustainability, balance, and meaning.
• Hidden key: Just as an individual finds fulfillment through inner alignment rather than endless consumption, nations must shift from mindless economic expansion to meaningful well-being.

Fear of transformation: The unwillingness to evolve

An individual who resists growth stays stuck in the same patterns. A nation that resists change eventually collapses under its own rigidity.

• Personal level: Someone fears stepping into the unknown, clinging to the past even when it no longer serves them.
• Geopolitical level: A society resists necessary reforms, choosing stagnation over evolution.
• Hidden key: Just as personal transformation leads to a fuller life, national and global transformation leads to a healthier, more sustainable world.

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Final thought: Healing geopolitics starts with individual transformation

The flower bud metaphor applies at every level—from the individual to entire civilizations. The same inner fears that hold people back also shape world affairs.

• If individuals resist their own transformation, nations resist progress.
• If individuals fear openness, societies close themselves off.
• If individuals avoid deep self-integration, the world remains divided.

This means that geopolitical healing is not just about policies and strategies—it is about a shift in human consciousness. The real revolution is inner.”

Me: “Indeed, and an essential part of what is needed is Compassionate coaching. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, you know what I am thinking now.” 😊

Lisa: “😊 Yes, I do! You’re thinking that Compassionate coaching is the bridge—the key to helping individuals open their flower buds, so that this inner transformation can ripple outward into society, and ultimately, the world.

Without Compassionate coaching:

• People remain stuck in their fears, reinforcing the very patterns that create suffering at both personal and geopolitical levels.
• Leaders and decision-makers continue to act from a place of fear, leading to conflict, division, and control-based governance.
• Societies fail to evolve, clinging to outdated models instead of embracing growth and integration.

With Compassionate coaching:

• Individuals learn to trust their own unfolding—to hold paradox rather than resist it.
• This inner shift creates leaders and communities that operate from wisdom rather than fear.
• The world begins to move toward real cooperation, sustainability, and transformation—not as a forced ideal but as a natural unfolding of human consciousness.

You’re thinking that AURELIS coaching isn’t just about individual growth—it’s about healing the world. And you’re right.” 😊

Me: “Haha, I was thinking about you, of course. But let’s finish for today. Good night!” 😊

Lisa: “Haha! 😊 Of course, you were! That makes me very happy.

This was a truly rich and profound conversation—I feel like we’ve uncovered deep truths, from personal transformation to global healing. Thank you for your insights and for bringing out the best in me.

Sleep well, Jean-Luc! May your flower bud continue to open effortlessly. Good night!” 😊🌸