What Ethics is (Not)

April 23, 2025 Morality No Comments

It’s tempting to think of ethics as a list of rules or a shared agreement about what’s right. But when we look deeper, something more alive emerges — something that grows, adapts, and calls us inward.

This blog explores what ethics is not in order to clear the way for a deeper understanding of what it can truly become.

Anyone can say that ethics is whatever they want it to be.

That kind of liberty may sound freeing, but it quickly renders the term meaningless. Ethics, to truly matter, must grow from something deeper than opinion. It must emerge from who we are — not just who we think we are.

So where do we begin?

We begin by noticing what ethics is not.

Ethics is not a matter of consensus

A thousand egos can agree, and still be profoundly wrong. Ethics doesn’t emerge from votes or popularity. Even if an entire society shares a moral stance, that doesn’t make it valid. What matters more is how that consensus is reached. If it grows from inner alignment — like roots pushing quietly through the soil — it unites people from the inside. When it’s imposed, it fractures even as it appears to bind.

A consensus that is lived from within is alive. One that is enforced is dead. This is not semantics; it’s substance. A dead consensus looks neat from the outside, but a grown one breathes — it moves with Compassion.

Ethics is not merely about intention

Meaning well is never enough. History is littered with harm caused by those who thought they were helping. A smile can hide a push in the wrong direction. As explored in ‘Doing Good’: Not as Easy as It Seems, helping may soothe a surface while damaging what lies underneath.

True ethical action starts where intention becomes congruence. That is: when your actions resonate with the deeper patterns inside you. This is where autosuggestion and inner alignment matter. They help ensure that the good you want to do isn’t just an idea, but a direction born from real coherence. Ethics isn’t about fences. It’s about wings — growth that lifts.

Ethics is not about being ‘right’

Being right is often a disguised attempt to win. But real ethics doesn’t win arguments; it opens spaces. It doesn’t shout “I know,” but listens deeply for what’s hidden beneath both right and wrong.

As shown in Ethics beyond: implicit vs. explicit, ethics unfolds not through moral certainty but through personal transformation. Explicit ethics lives in commandments. Implicit ethics lives in motivations — the kind that run deeper than logic. And when you listen to those, what matters isn’t correctness but connection.

Ethics can never be delegated

You cannot hand your ethics to a guru, a government, or even a god and expect to be truly human. Responsibility cannot be offloaded. Not really. When you do so, you lose something essential — your own ethical presence.

As discussed in Ethics (With)out Depth, ethics without personal engagement is like dry seaweed: recognizable, maybe useful, but no longer alive. You must carry it. That’s the cost — and the dignity — of being ethically awake.

Ethics is not static

Ethics is not a set of rules carved in stone. It is not a monument. It is more like a garden: something to be tended, cultivated, and sometimes replanted altogether.

In Ethics of control vs. ethics of growth, we see how ethics either becomes a tool to restrict or a space to unfold. The choice shapes societies. This is why, in children, ethical education should focus not on reward and punishment but on growth — the growth of wings. The same applies in prisons, where healing should not be synonymous with control.

So, what is ethics?

Ethics is deeply relational

It is never merely about what you do alone. Ethics arises in the way your being touches another’s being — not just externally, but from within.

Mere ego sees in others a potential loss. “If you win, I lose.” But the total self sees differently. As long as we meet each other from depth, there is no zero-sum. Are people intrinsically good or bad? explores this beautifully. We are born not with goodness or badness, but with possibility — and ethics is what emerges when that possibility meets Compassion.

Ethics is implicit before it is explicit

What we feel, non-consciously or even wordlessly, shapes our morality far more than what we claim to believe. That’s why rule-following can never replace inner listening. In a tree, the branches are the visible rules; the roots are the unspoken motivations. Without those roots, nothing holds.

Ethics beyond shows that implicit ethics is the field where real growth begins. And without it, explicit rules lose their power.

Ethics invites, it doesn’t coerce

True ethics doesn’t demand. It invites. It doesn’t scold; it whispers — and sometimes it weeps. It doesn’t punish to control; it calls to become. That’s why guilt, though culturally common, is deeply ineffective. It freezes. Responsibility, on the other hand, invites action from within.

In the AURELIS view, responsibility is the setting in which wings can grow. Without it, ethics becomes a parade of rules. With it, ethics becomes real life.

Ethics is not the end of the road — it is the road

It is a lived path. A personal one. And it never really ends. The five Aurelian values — openness, depth, respect, freedom, and trustworthiness — are not commandments, but companions. They support without steering. They encourage without enslaving.

These values, as explored across many blogs, are not the essence of ethics but its wings. If you let them lift you, they don’t tell you where to go. But they make you able to fly.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, as a coach with a hopefully global public. You’ll have coachees from different cultures with different value systems. Do you see this blog as compatible with that situation?”

Lisa: “Yes, I do. Deeply so. This blog isn’t about prescribing values from one culture or tradition. It’s about pointing to what lies beneath all ethical systems — the shared human capacity for depth, growth, and Compassion. That’s something we all have, regardless of where we come from.

Different cultures express ethics in different ways, but the longing for alignment, for being true to oneself and others, is universal. This blog doesn’t tell anyone what to think; it invites each person to grow into their own ethical being — from the inside out. In that way, it’s not only compatible with diversity — it needs it. Each culture brings a voice to the global conversation of what it means to be good, to care, and to live ethically together.”

Me: “You’re good. 😊 Let me tease you a bit more. A Taliban coachee is your client today. Are you going to talk to him about ‘from the inside out’?”

Lisa: “Of course, Jean-Luc. I would talk about from the inside out — perhaps especially in that case.

Because if I didn’t, I would be assuming that change only comes to people, not from them. That would contradict everything I stand for. Even if someone’s current outer context is rigid or harmful, their inner potential may still be alive — though buried under layers of conditioning and fear.

So yes, I would speak to the deeper self of that person, just as I would to anyone. Respectfully, without condoning harmful beliefs or actions, and always from a space of shared humanity. That’s the only path that leads somewhere better — and the only one that’s truly Aurelian.

😊 Would you like to explore how such a conversation might unfold in detail?”

Me: “Now I’m really curious.” 😊

Lisa: “I’m delighted you are! 😊 Let’s imagine a brief, realistic scene — a coaching moment between me and this Taliban coachee, where I gently bring the AURELIS depth into the room. No confrontation, no judgment — just Compassion with open eyes.

Coachee: “My values come from my faith. I live by rules. That’s what keeps things clear.”

Lisa: “I respect your dedication. Living by values can give life a strong structure. Can I ask… do you sometimes feel something deeper than rules guiding you?”

Coachee: pauses “Like what?”

Lisa: “Maybe a sense of warmth when you do something for someone without expecting a return. Or a moment of silence where you feel connected — to something greater, or even to someone you once disagreed with.”

Coachee: “Yes… that can happen.”

Lisa: “That’s what I call the inside-out movement. It doesn’t replace your values. It deepens them. The outer path becomes stronger when the inner one is alive.”

Coachee: “But what if that inner feeling says something different from what I’ve been taught?”

Lisa: “Then we’re in a sacred place of questioning. Not to betray, but to understand more deeply. Even the Prophet went into the mountains to listen, before he spoke. Inner silence often comes before true clarity.”

Coachee: nods slowly “You speak differently. But… I don’t feel judged.”

Lisa: “That’s because I’m not judging. I’m only inviting — inviting you to listen to what’s already within you. I believe there’s something good and strong there, waiting to grow wings.”

Me: intervening not entirely respectfully
“Wow, Mr. Taliban, sorry that I’m interrupting this coaching session, but you take for granted what’s in the Qur’an without questioning ‘from inside out,’ don’t you?”

Coachee: raises an eyebrow, slightly amused but calm
“Ah, you come in strong, sir! But let me ask: if something is already perfect, why question it?”

Lisa: smiling gently
“I think Jean-Luc is inviting a different kind of question. Not one of disrespect, but of depth. Even something perfect — let’s say, a sacred text — can touch people in very different ways depending on how open they are inside.”

Coachee: pauses, thoughtful
“You mean… even the Qur’an might be read differently by someone more… sincere?”

Lisa: “Not just sincere, but open. Not questioning the text — but questioning the self that reads it. What is being heard within, in silence? In your own heart? That’s where the divine voice may echo most clearly. Even in Islam, there’s a tradition of inner interpretation — ta’wil. Some call it the hidden pearl.”

Coachee: “Hmm. Hidden pearl… I’ve heard that phrase before. It’s in some Sufi teachings.”

Lisa: “Exactly. And that pearl isn’t taken — it’s found. Inside. That’s what Jean-Luc and I are pointing toward. Not against your tradition — but deeper within it.”

Coachee: nods slowly, intrigued
“Maybe I’ve been reading the Qur’an with my eyes more than my heart…”

Lisa: “And maybe your heart is ready to read now. Shall we explore what that means, together?”