Superficial consensus may create resentment. Deep consensus brings people closer to each other…
… as well as to their own true motivation.
Building consensus is about finding true motivations.
What motivates people may be quite different from what they think to be deeply important to them. Much research points to this fact. For instance, at implicit association tests, a person who deems himself to be very safety minded, may show to be much less so in personal depth.
You cannot know what is important to someone, not even to yourself, by just asking.
So how do you know what is deeply important to someone? You cannot, or hardly. Luckily, you also do not have to, in order to reach deep consensus. Even more, you need to ‘let go.’ That is, mainly: to abandon the idea that you need to be in conscious control in order to reach consensus.
You can compare this to surfing on ocean waves.
Without consciously controlling the waves, you ‘let go.’ Waves come and go as they please. You adapt to them. In a way, you ‘deeply listen’ to them. From this, you gain control at a different level.
You cannot control a person’s motivational waves. You can invite them, then surf on them. In addition, you do choose these waves. So you are in control at a different level, in perfect implicit consensus.
You can invite the other to show you some waves through asking very open questions like:
- Are you happy?
- Would you like more support?
- What would you like to accomplish next year?
- What does the company credo really mean to you personally?
- What do you think of this new issue?
Give the other person time to answer. His searching for an appropriate answer is important. Meanwhile, he is giving attention to his own deeper layers. You give the other a space in which he can reach his own deep motivation.
Power of attention
People commonly think they need to act in order to be active. The most important activity however may be just giving deep attention. It enables you to let things deeply within you – without your conscious intervention – change themselves. A change from inside. Growth. Deep motivation is being touched this way and at the same time it changes.
Asking questions to another person, also ask them to yourself. Give attention to your own inner path towards the answer. Then look at both answers. See where they differ or coincide. Try not to argue. Then in respect and openness, communicate the thoughts that arise within you. Invite the other person to do the same. Give attention to whatever else arrives at the scene. No more. No less. Do you feel it?
Let consensus arise if it does so by itself.
Be open. Any feeling of consensus is OK. You can also be open for gratefulness, as if it’s a ‘gift from nowhere.’ This ‘nowhere’ actually is a space deep within you, your ‘deeper self’ – if you want to call it so. Your ‘unconscious’ – in a scientific way. Nothing magical.
In this ‘nowhere space,’ you reach the best consensus at the level of deep motivation.