35. Pedophilia is Not a Matter for Children

September 29, 2018 Mind-Body Column No Comments

No one is guilty of pedophilia, but indeed of actions that might result from it.

A pedophile is not just someone who is molesting children by lack of adults. A pedophile feels sexually strongly attracted to children. This attraction comes from ‘somewhere outside conscious thinking’ just as, mutatis mutandis, when someone feels more and more hungry or thirsty. Imagine that you have a specific appetite-for-bread, in a world that doesn’t accept the eating of bread. In that case you have a problem. A pedophile also has a problem in the first place. He is not guilty of this problem.

Pedophilia is not a conscious choice.

Irrespective of whether one calls it a ‘disease’ or not, it is a wolf trap.

Assaulting children, however, is indeed a conscious choice.

In case of an increasing hunger-for-bread, one person will tend more quickly to give in to this ‘sin’ than another. No one, however, is coerced to bow to that hunger. There is no wolf inside man, who jumps up as a werewolf at full moon. Homo pueri lupus. It’s the pedophile himself who performs the act and no one else. Having said that, society needs to know how to deal with a pedophile. That is a horse of a different color. On the one hand, of course, children should be protected. On the other hand, a pedophile is also a human being. Every human being deserves respect and support. Also a pedophile-hater, by the way.

Once a pedophile, always a pedophile?

A child rapist should be brought to justice. A pedophile should be treated properly. So, a pedophile who raped children should… both. OK. We focus now on purely pedophilia. Well, if it is the goal to openly change the preferred sex object, then that appears, at first, to be simple. The reality shows, however, that this is virtually impossible, something like unplugging a program that is wrong and plugging in a more correct program into a human being. Therapy that takes this for granted, does little to remedy the situation of the people concerned. Even if one thinks to succeed in this, nature is usually showing itself sooner or later. The pedophile is not to ‘blame’ for this. However, one should be careful to declare someone ‘cured’ this way.

Seeing pedophilia as an external disease will lead to an attempt to ‘cure the disease’

in the sense of reprogramming. Seeing pedophilia as ‘what that person is as a whole’, however, will lead to support the change of that total person.

The question then arises what distinguishes a child-as-sex-object from other sex objects? I mean:

What does a child symbolize in the mind of the pedophile?

One might think of innocence, naivety, defenselessness, submission, virginity, impeccability, own proto-sexuality (not yet fully sexually developed), victim role… Anyway, it goes very deep. The symbolic is a very important level as to a change as total person.

Deep inside, the direction changes

100%, is not realistic. We are not looking for that. We are looking for something that goes beyond reprogramming. Something that respects nature. This brings us to two important issues: ‘nature’ and ‘respect’.

Nature.

Someone who is trapped in hunger-for-X, is really mentally imprisoned.

It is natural to strive to solve this, so: to strive for freedom. Not to be mistaken with debauchery. In this case freedom means being really allowed to choose in totality. This is an intense learning process in which the deepest symbolic level is of utmost importance. Professional help in this matter is strongly recommended. This way, one has the huge advantage that nature is an ally and not an enemy. In case of the latter, one will never win. It is hubris. As proof, you only need to look at what is happening at present with regard to pedophilia.

Respect.

A pedophile is no psychopath.

This last type of person is someone who doesn’t know the concept ‘respect’. All combinations are possible, of course, but a non-psychopathic pedophile does indeed know respect, well and truly, and suffers from the actions he committed. It is interesting to guide him in this. Once again: one is not guilty of pedophilia, but one is indeed guilty of turning one’s pedophilia into action (legally seen anyway).

Besides, a feeling of ‘guilt’ concerning something that comes from within, is part of the problem itself.

In addition, it prevents pedophiles to seek treatment preventively. Responsibility and respect are entirely different matters… Yes, I know this is all easier said than done. A mature attitude is necessary. Pedophilia is not a matter for children!