Hurt
You may have recently lost someone you felt for. As I did.
Sure it hurts a lot.
It damn well does. It’s not part of a statistic. Before you know it, it makes one angry at life. It makes one feel like
in a depression.
Something happens at soul level.
It’s like proceeding and something doesn’t easily follow.
But I want it to follow.
Something doesn’t fit in this.
Tears may come. You better let them. Joy and laughter may come. You better let them.
Something stays behind for a while at least. It doesn’t catch up. It’s not only the one who died who stays behind. It’s part of you.
So, it hurts.
Thinking back of the good times may help, and it may not.
It helps
but it doesn’t diminish the hurt. It makes it different.
That’s how I feel it.
I guess I have to break a few times and put myself together again
establishing more room inside.
I guess what stays behind then finds some crack to live in.
There is no mere continuation of life. It’s different.
Let people around me be careful about what they say
now and twenty years from now, when things will have been going on and on.
Those things won’t change this hurt.
I guess it never changes. It deepens. It creates that within which other things happen.
The environment of life.
I don’t want this hurt to hurt less. I want it to stay
like a color that fades, tainting everything.
It doesn’t become another color.
It’s not even the color of hurt in some manner.
It’s just a color. A presence.
I don’t want it to go away.
You stay.
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