Good Communication is a Spontaneous Reaction

August 1, 2021 AURELIS Syllabus, Communication No Comments

Spontaneous: not superficial but from the inside out.

Two facts:

              • The non-conscious is always present and plays a significant role in whatever you do, also in the contact between a coach and a coachee.             

              • The non-conscious reacts much faster than the conscious mind.             

The latter has been well investigated in the following experiment:

A green and a red light on a computer screen is alternately made to flash now and then, so quickly that the subjects on a conscious level do not perceive it. The test subjects are instructed to press a button at the red light, not at the green one. Therefore, a test subject does not see which light flashes, nor does he know afterward which colors he has seen each time. However, he mainly presses the button when there is a red light and not when there is a green light. Without conscious perception – which is too slow for this – his choice is still largely correct. This is because non-conscious processing is much faster. Note also that not only the perception of the light but also the conversion into appropriate motor response occurs without conscious interference. In this way, it has been established that consciousness only starts to react half a second after the non-conscious. For the non-conscious, however, half a second is long + it works parallel, so: a lot of processing takes place. Our test subject can consciously only be surprised about it.

Communication between two people: two people react spontaneously to each other.

On a conscious level, it seems as if there is always alternately a sender and a receiver. However, a lot happens before conscious thinking makes its appearance in this. If you open up to this and just let it happen – as can happen all the more by applying AURELIS coaching techniques – this increases even more.  

Then there is a lot of non-conscious communication between the AURELIS coach and the coachee, and this certainly plays an important role.

Think of the ‘spontaneous AURELIS smile,’ with the emphasis on ‘spontaneous.’

You can open yourself to this. You cannot ‘perform’ this.

A merely consciously executed smile may seem artificial.

A spontaneous smile, on the other hand, is… spontaneous and therefore undisturbed by all kinds of conscious thoughts. It is a direct communication without any ‘yes but.’ This smile is a complete ‘yes’ ― communicated directly from deeper self to deeper self.


This is also how a coup de foudre works.

You look at someone, and before your conscious thinking can place all kinds of layers between the two of you, there is contact from deeper self to deeper self. Immediately, massively and taking place in the here-and-now, as it goes with such a contact. 

Result: ‘love at first sight,’ actually better said ‘love before first (fully consciously experienced) sight.’ There is a connection on multiple levels, entanglement with the world model of the person who experiences this so that the connection with the other can become strong. And also the possible pain when the love ends.   

“I can’t live without you.” “I’m falling apart without you,” says the poet. (Think of the world model!)

A teenager who experiences this for the first time thinks that life will end now. An adult knows that it may possibly start again.

Is there any warning in this for an AURELIS coach?

Yes, there is. You’re concerned with what can make people very affectionate, that even makes people fall in love.

By going deeper and deeper into this, you can even use it better and better… and then, of course, you also get the responsibility not to abuse it.

Do you feel it in the waves of the sea?

Do you feel it in the rustling of the leaves on the trees?

Do you feel it in the passing of the clouds in the sky?

Do you feel it in the beating of your heart, the flow of your blood?

Lasting love means you can see the very, very big in the very,  very small and the very,  very small in the very,  very big. Simultaneously. And you can feel that. A poet can write about a detail. A symbol can be detail for one, a wow! for the other. The openness to this comes as if by itself, not by itself.  Anyone who wants to make an ‘as if by itself’ into a ‘by itself’ will end up empty-handed. Please note: sustainable love is for free. The work has been made in advance. It’s not love that is a verb, but the openness to it.

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