AURELIS and Friendliness
AURELIS seems like a very friendly way to treat yourself and others… and rest assured, it is.
But: not simply.
‘Friendly’ does not mean that you satisfy others in the most convenient way no matter what.
That would be kind to the ego, but not to the deeper self. And that is precisely the opposite of the intention at AURELIS.
Kindness to the Deeper Self
This is mainly in the deep attention you give, the kindness, the invitation that makes this possible. You constantly invite the other to be himself.
You also ‘accept’ the other in his deeper self-being.
“Being accepted for who I am.”
‘I’ may be the ocean.
Acceptance on a superficial level does not always coincide with this.
This depends, among other things, on the degree of dissociation of the person(s) involved. So: the extent to which conscious thinking does not take into account the pattern of its own deeper self.
If two people, each significantly dissociated, treat each other in an ‘accepting’ way, then it is possible that they are actually just holding each other up behind the scenes to make themselves ‘better’ in a merely superficial way.
Then they are holding each other’s flower bud closed, in a kind of barter system: You help me in this, and I help you in that. On the surface, we can see one as ‘helper’ and the other as ‘helped.’
The relationship may even be ‘therapeutic’ from a superficial point of view, yet this doesn’t change what happens in the background.
So are you a good AURELIS coach if both the coachee and you have a good feeling about it?
You even have to be critical about this, because before you know it, you are in the ‘feel good vein,’ and that does NOT help the coachee in depth ― ON THE CONTRARY.
So, AURELIS is very friendly in principle but can sometimes raise difficult questions if necessary and valuable.
AURELIS is not a mother who keeps her children at home in a motherly way.
It is not a friend who merely fills the time with superficial chattering.
The intention is to help people, but also effectively: people, not shadows. Three-dimensional, not two-dimensional.
If you don’t recognize this, you can sometimes get the wrong idea of what AURELIS is all about.
AURELIS is kind, infinitely kind
thus also friendly to infinity of which finiteness is part.
AURELIS takes people outside Plato’s cave in a friendly and, at the same time, determined way.
What is not intended is to make people even more comfortable inside the cave so that it is even less easy for them to escape from it. It’s true: inside the cave, the sunlight doesn’t hurt the eyes. Outside the cave, it does indeed, but that’s not the sun’s fault!
Rather avoid covering coaching.
There’s nothing against an easy chat now and then, of course. But too much chit chat coaching has to be avoided. It is only directly supportive, like propping up that only works temporarily and meanwhile allows the building to deteriorate further so that more and more propping is needed.
That is a purely covering form of coaching.
Because this mainly supports the ego of both coach and coachee, this pitfall is temptingly strong. Call this the ‘Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome.’ The ego will be happy to settle into this. All the more so because as a coach/therapist, you are making yourself more and more indispensable.
You create a wrongful dependence,
and you are financially well-off: Coachees come back because they have no other choice.
On the surface, it’s easy to look like ‘the savior,’ but that’s not right.
This also shows in: responding superficially to emotions,
even provoking emotions, without going any further with this in-depth.
This quickly traps the coachee, and indeed the coach himself, into superficial emotions. Despite the fact that it may look different, this is mainly a severe lack of respect.
This is also related to the following.
The use of small techniques prevents a righteous use of techniques, this is: from yourself, as a coach, as a total person.
Then your therapy is also trapped in a kind of cosmetic covering of problems.
This way, before you know it, you will be (OK, it sounds a bit crude:) a kind of apprentice wizard with delusions of grandeur.
If you have a good feeling about AURELIS coaching, that’s OK.
Then strive for depth of this.
You can only do that by working on yourself beforehand and transcending your own mere-ego. An instant litmus test could be:
“Do I still feel good in the same way if I ‘relax’ the lightbulbs?”
The quality of your AURELIS coaching largely depends on your ability to achieve the latter. It is an excellent idea to let yourself be supported in this by the coachee.
Again and again.
Also, and certainly in the case of relationship therapy.
Don’t easily side against the third party.
If this gives you a good feeling, then ‘relax’ your choice based on your attitude versus depth. Does this still feel good?
YES -> OK.
NO -> alarm!
In any case, if a wall has more and more cracks, then it is not a good thing to just paste a new wallpaper over it again and again.
An AURELIS coaching aims at giving the coachee’s house solid walls
even if this can sometimes seem non-supportive at first glance if you look at it with eyes of mere-ego.