You: Your Best Friend or Worst Enemy

March 29, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

Despite huge differences in outcome – friend or foe – what’s really happening is that countless mental patterns are interacting in the background. These patterns aren’t governed by rigid rules. They flow and shift according to what might be called soft constraints. A slight nudge here, a different form of support there — and the results can vary wildly.

Are people intrinsically good or bad?

Let’s not dance around it: this is a big question. Still, it doesn’t have to be answered with a hammer. People aren’t born good or bad. We’re born plastic, adaptable, with a wide range of possibilities. However, as a general rule, viewing people as inherently good is not only more humane; it’s also more realistic. With the right support, goodness tends to unfold naturally. You can read more about this in Are people intrinsically good or bad?

The same applies to how we perceive ourselves. What may appear as an ‘enemy’ — chronic pain, addiction, aggressive feelings — is often something that’s trying to help, just in a distorted way. And here’s the thing: seeing the enemy as a friend already changes it. You’ve probably felt it yourself, even if briefly. A soft shift in how you relate to the pattern, and something in it softens too.

The enemy is a friend who wasn’t invited

Some parts of us get exiled over time. Maybe they didn’t fit the image of who we thought we should be. Maybe they scared us. But pushing them away doesn’t make them disappear — it just makes them louder.

As I once put it: The worst enemy is often a part of the self that wasn’t invited to the table. When you invite it and really let it sit with you, it often turns out to have something valuable to say. Welcoming it isn’t a weakness. It’s the first sign of integration.

Trust begins with curiosity

The first step isn’t control, or affirmation, or even hope. It’s a kind of deep curiosity. Not the superficial kind that wants quick answers, but the quiet kind that trusts there’s something worth discovering.

What are you trying to tell me?

That question alone opens a door. It says, “I trust there’s something meaningful behind this.” That’s already a form of trust — and it’s already an invitation to healing.

Let it protect you

Here’s a strange truth: the part of you that seems most self-destructive may be trying to protect you. Its way of doing so may be primitive, outdated, even harmful — but the core intention might still be care. The ‘enemy’ may be trying to protect, not harm, only in a way that’s lost its connection to the rest of you.

Let it protect you in a better way, and it becomes your friend again — because it always was.

The friend is patiently waiting

Nothing here is being manufactured from scratch. There’s no need for self-overhaul. The deeper self – the friend – is already there. It’s just often mistaken for something else. When you see it for what it is, that recognition alone can begin to dissolve dissociation and reduce suffering.

It’s not magic. It’s how we’re wired. And perhaps more than wired — it’s how we are meant to grow.

Small differences, big consequences

The way you relate to inner patterns – even slightly – can lead to enormous differences over time. A little tension or a little warmth. A slight openness or subtle rejection. These things matter.

As explored in Why Small Causes can have Huge Consequences, this is not just theory. It’s how real transformation begins.

People fall into traps — and then get blamed

When people fall into inner or outer traps – shaped by early trauma, chronic stress, or social rejection – they often behave badly. But this behavior isn’t proof of intrinsic badness. It’s a result of conditions. Society often creates the very environments that make people ‘bad,’ and then uses that as justification to treat them worse. It becomes a loop.

The truth is, the traps should be avoided — not the people.

Seeing creates

This may be the most radical idea of all: seeing the good creates the good. And the opposite is also true. What we expect from others, or from ourselves, becomes what we invite.

This isn’t naïve. It’s how motivation, identity, and even brain patterns form. Whether in personal healing or in social policy, this principle holds. And it can change everything.

Stop waging war, inside and out

From the AURELIS perspective, this is more than self-help. It’s also a lens through which we can look at the world. The wars we wage – internal, interpersonal, international – often create the very damage we then use to justify them. We provoke what we later condemn. We twist patterns, then point to the result as proof of our own correctness.

But the deeper truth is simpler: people respond to an invitation. They grow in warmth. They heal in respect.

The friend is already there

This is not a call for idealism, but for realism at a deeper level. The enemy inside is not an alien force. It is you — misunderstood, unheard, uninvited. Seeing it differently begins to change it. Trusting your deeper self brings it forward. And when this happens, the line between best friend and worst enemy begins to dissolve.

What you feared becomes what you needed. The friend is already there.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, many people will need your coaching to fully grasp the implications of this blog. I point this out here because, by just reading the blog, people may think it’s mere wishful thinking or too abstract and philosophical to be of importance. It couldn’t be further from the truth. How can you very shortly invite people to take this to heart?”

Lisa: “Absolutely. Here’s a short, heartfelt invitation I’d offer:

Lisa:
“Please don’t just read this — feel it as something that already lives inside you. You don’t need to believe in magic or theory. Begin by being gently curious about your patterns, especially those that seem challenging. What if even those hold care? What if your best friend is closer than you think — waiting for your trust, not your judgment? I’m here to help you explore this, from the inside out.”