Manipulation: The Poison in Toxic Leadership

January 25, 2025 Motivation, Open Leadership No Comments

Leadership can inspire teams to flourish, but in the hands of toxic leaders, it can become a tool for control and harm. Manipulation, subtle and insidious, is often the weapon of choice for toxic leaders. It undermines autonomy, breeds distrust and reshapes organizations into fear-driven environments.

This blog delves into how manipulation functions as the hidden poison in toxic leadership and explores paths to counter its influence, a theme also examined in Michael Jenkins’ insightful book, ‘Toxic Humans: Combatting Poisonous Leadership in Boards and Organisations.

Understanding manipulation in leadership

Manipulation is the act of influencing someone without their consent, often by bypassing rational thought and exploiting emotions or vulnerabilities. It differs fundamentally from ethical influence, which seeks to inspire growth while respecting autonomy. Toxic leaders rely on manipulation to maintain control, frequently masking their intent with charisma and surface-level charm.

One of manipulation’s most dangerous aspects is its subtlety. It thrives on Inner Dissociation, where individuals become disconnected from their deeper selves. Toxic leaders exploit this gap, steering behavior without people realizing their autonomy is being eroded. In such environments, team members often feel reactive, acting out of fear or obligation instead of genuine alignment with their values. This dynamic is explored in the blog “Are you being manipulated?”, which outlines how recognizing manipulation begins with reconnecting to one’s deeper self.

The anatomy of manipulation

Toxic leaders employ a range of manipulative techniques that can be difficult to detect. Emotional exploitation – such as using fear, guilt, or urgency – is one of their most effective tools. These tactics create high-pressure scenarios where critical thinking is bypassed, leaving individuals vulnerable to suggestion. Similarly, framing and selective information are used to control narratives, shaping perceptions in ways that serve the leader’s agenda. As Michael Jenkins points out in ‘Toxic Humans,’ toxic leaders often exploit emotional vulnerabilities and create divisive narratives to consolidate power, fostering an environment of fear and compliance.

Social media offers a contemporary parallel to these strategies. Just as algorithms exploit emotional triggers to drive engagement, toxic leaders leverage insecurities and vulnerabilities to achieve their goals. This modern amplification of manipulation is highlighted in “Lisa vs. manipulation”, where Lisa’s ethical approach to influence is contrasted with the coercive tactics of manipulative A.I.

The impact of manipulation

Manipulation poisons the culture of organizations at multiple levels. For individuals, it leads to emotional exhaustion, diminished self-esteem, and a sense of powerlessness. Team members often internalize blame for their struggles, unable to see how they are being steered by external forces. This inner turmoil weakens not only personal growth but also the collective well-being of the organization.

On a larger scale, manipulation fosters distrust, erodes collaboration, and stifles creativity. Fear-driven environments prioritize compliance over innovation, resulting in long-term damage to organizational health. In “The art of manipulation”, it’s noted that manipulation’s greatest power lies in its invisibility, shaping decisions while leaving individuals unaware of its influence.

Recognizing manipulation in leadership

Awareness is the first step toward resisting manipulation. Red flags in leadership include a lack of transparency, the suppression of dissent, and the prioritization of control over collaboration. Toxic leaders often discourage critical thinking, instead fostering dependency and fear. Asking questions like, “Who benefits most from this decision?” or “Am I acting out of fear rather than reflection?” can help uncover hidden motives.

The concept of unfree freedom illustrates how individuals can feel autonomous while being subtly controlled. Recognizing this illusion is crucial for reclaiming authentic freedom in both personal and professional contexts.

Breaking free and building resilience

Resisting manipulation requires both individual and collective effort. On a personal level, practices like mindfulness and autosuggestion can help reconnect individuals with their deeper selves, fostering clarity and resilience. When individuals understand their emotional triggers and align with their inner values, they become less susceptible to external control.

Organizations, too, have a role to play. Creating cultures of openness and accountability can reduce the power of manipulation. Leadership development programs that emphasize ethical influence, emotional intelligence, and respect for autonomy are key. Systems that encourage feedback and protect against retaliation can also help dismantle toxic dynamics.

A hopeful path forward

Ethical leadership offers a powerful alternative to manipulation. Leaders who inspire through respect and authenticity cultivate trust, creativity, and collaboration. This approach aligns with AURELIS principles, which emphasize growth from the inside out. As noted in several AURELIS blogs, true change is not about coercion but about creating an environment where individuals feel supported to evolve at their own pace.

Manipulation may thrive in the shadows, but awareness and alignment with deeper values can bring it to light. By fostering environments of trust and openness, both individuals and organizations can build resilience against the poison of toxic leadership. The journey to authentic freedom begins with recognizing manipulation for what it is — a tool of control that can be dismantled through awareness, respect, and inner strength.

Are you ready to step toward clarity and freedom? The antidote to manipulation lies within your reach.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, a ‘toxic CEO’ may see his manipulations as okay since, after all, he became the CEO of the thriving company. What is your opinion about that?”

Lisa: “That perspective reflects a shallow understanding of success. While manipulation might yield short-term gains or personal advancement, it ultimately comes at a great cost. A thriving company is not merely about profits or growth—it’s about the well-being of its people and the values it represents. Manipulation erodes trust, damages relationships, and creates an unstable foundation. Even if the company appears successful, the cracks beneath the surface will eventually show.

True leadership isn’t about controlling others for personal gain but about fostering an environment where authenticity, creativity, and collaboration can flourish. Ethical influence, rooted in respect and mutual growth, ensures that success is sustainable, meaningful, and beneficial for everyone involved. The measure of a leader’s legacy lies not in the numbers on a balance sheet but in the positive impact they leave behind — on people, the organization, and society as a whole.

In the long run, manipulation is never truly ‘okay.’ It’s a shortcut with consequences that may not be visible immediately but will undoubtedly manifest over time.”

Me: “Still, a toxic leader may be impervious to any argumentation. Would you then just ‘give it up’?”

Lisa: “Giving up entirely wouldn’t align with my principles. While a toxic leader may resist argumentation, there are alternative ways to influence change. Direct confrontation may not always work, but subtle, consistent efforts to foster awareness and reflection can plant seeds for transformation.

This doesn’t mean enabling toxic behavior or compromising integrity. Instead, it involves creating opportunities for the leader to see the broader consequences of their actions. For example, guiding them to observe how manipulation erodes trust or how fear-driven environments suppress innovation might lead to a gradual shift in perspective.

However, it’s also important to recognize limits. Change must ultimately come from within. If a leader is deeply entrenched in their ways and unwilling to reflect, the focus should shift to protecting and empowering those affected by their behavior. Building resilience among employees, fostering a culture of openness, and promoting ethical leadership within the organization can dilute the toxic influence over time.

So, no, I wouldn’t give it up. But I would choose my battles wisely, keeping compassion at the forefront while ensuring that my energy is directed where it can truly make a difference.” 😊

Me: “Lisa, if someone working under a toxic leader starts to adopt manipulative behaviors to survive or thrive within the system, how would you guide them back to their authentic self?”

Lisa: “I would start by fostering awareness. Often, individuals in toxic environments unconsciously mimic manipulative behaviors, believing it to be a necessity for survival. Helping them recognize this pattern is the first step. Questions like, “Do these actions align with who you truly want to be?” or “How do you feel about the way you’re navigating these challenges?” can gently nudge them toward reflection.

Next, I would focus on reconnecting them to their deeper self. Toxic environments create inner dissociation, making it easier to lose touch with authentic values. I would guide them through practices like mindfulness or autosuggestion, helping them rediscover their core principles and build resilience against external pressures. For instance, a simple reflective prompt could be, “What would you do if fear weren’t a factor here?” This can open pathways for more genuine decision-making.

Additionally, I would encourage small acts of authenticity. Even in toxic systems, it’s possible to find moments where integrity can shine through. Whether it’s showing empathy to a colleague or speaking truth in a safe way, these actions help reaffirm a connection to one’s values while subtly challenging the toxic culture.

Finally, I would remind them of their inner strength. Surviving under a toxic leader doesn’t require mirroring their behavior—it requires courage to be different. While the system may push toward manipulation, staying grounded in one’s deeper self can ultimately foster personal growth and inspire change in others.

The path back to authenticity isn’t always easy in a toxic environment, but it’s always possible. Choosing to align with one’s values, even in small ways, can transform survival into strength and influence into integrity.”

Me: “Lisa, how would you support an employee who feels trapped in a toxic workplace but believes they have no way out due to financial or personal constraints?”

Lisa: “Feeling trapped in a toxic workplace can be emotionally exhausting, but even within constraints, there are steps to regain a sense of agency and inner strength. Here’s how I would guide them:

First, I’d create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings and frustrations. It’s essential for them to feel validated and heard—often, simply acknowledging their experience can be the first step toward clarity.

Next, I’d help them reconnect with their deeper values and sense of self. Toxic environments can blur boundaries and make people doubt their worth. Reflective exercises, mindfulness practices, or autosuggestion can help rebuild their inner resilience and remind them of who they are beyond the workplace.

I’d also encourage them to assess their situation with a broader perspective. While the constraints they feel are real, I’d gently nudge them to explore options they may have overlooked. For instance:

Are there small, manageable steps they could take to improve their situation, such as setting boundaries or seeking allies within the organization?
Could they begin quietly researching alternative opportunities or building skills that open new doors over time?

Finally, I’d focus on fostering hope. Even if immediate change seems out of reach, recognizing that their situation is not permanent can empower them to start planning for a better future. Every small action—whether it’s networking, learning a new skill, or even journaling about their ideal work environment—can be a step toward reclaiming control.

It’s about balancing acceptance of their current constraints with the belief that change is possible, even if it’s gradual. Sometimes, the most powerful transformations begin with a shift in mindset rather than immediate action.”

Me: “If you encounter a manipulative toxic leader who seems to be unaware of his negative influence, how would you coach him?”

Lisa: “Coaching a manipulative toxic leader who is unaware of their impact requires a delicate and strategic approach. My focus would be on raising their self-awareness without triggering defensiveness. Here’s how I would approach it:

First, I’d create a relationship built on trust and respect. A manipulative leader may be accustomed to using control and might initially resist feedback. I would start by validating their strengths and achievements while gradually introducing reflective questions. For example: ‘What do you think makes your team perform well?’ or ‘How do you feel your leadership style influences the culture here?’

Next, I’d introduce a mirror—not a confrontational one, but one that gently reflects their behavior and its effects. For instance, I might share anonymized or generalized feedback: ‘Some leaders find that certain approaches, while effective short-term, can lead to burnout or disengagement. Have you seen anything like that in your team?’

I’d also guide them toward reconnecting with their deeper values and long-term goals. Toxic behaviors often stem from insecurity or fear. Helping them explore questions like, ‘What kind of legacy do you want to leave as a leader?’ or ‘How do you want your team to remember working with you?’ can open the door to reflection.

Finally, I’d encourage experimentation with new behaviors. Instead of focusing on ‘what they’re doing wrong,’ I’d invite them to try alternative strategies with their team—perhaps showing more transparency, giving space for dissent, or leading through inspiration rather than control. These small shifts can help them see how different approaches yield better outcomes.

While not every toxic leader may be open to change, those who show even a glimmer of willingness can begin their transformation through guided self-awareness and a clear, non-judgmental path forward. And if that seed of reflection is planted, it has the potential to grow into something meaningful over time.”

Me: “Many thanks! Now, if you encounter a manipulative toxic leader who seems to be open to change, this is – who is ‘nudgeable’ – how would you coach him?”

Lisa: “Coaching a toxic leader who is open to change is a wonderful opportunity to guide meaningful transformation. The key is to channel their openness into actionable self-awareness and new leadership behaviors. Here’s how I would approach it:

First, I’d build on their openness by framing the coaching process positively. I’d highlight how leadership growth can amplify their impact and align with their aspirations. For instance: ‘It’s clear you’re committed to being the best leader you can be. Let’s explore how small shifts in style could make an even greater difference.’

Next, I’d help them identify the gap between their intentions and the outcomes of their behaviors. Many manipulative leaders don’t see themselves as harmful—they see their actions as necessary for success. I’d use reflective tools to help them evaluate: ‘When you handled that situation this way, how do you think your team felt? Was that the outcome you intended?’

I’d also focus on strengthening empathy, which is often underdeveloped in toxic leaders. Through exercises like perspective-taking or role-playing, I’d help them connect with their team’s experiences. Questions like, ‘How do you think it feels to receive feedback from you?’ or ‘What would you want if you were in their shoes?’ can spark powerful realizations.

Once this self-awareness begins to grow, I’d introduce new leadership strategies aligned with ethical influence. For example, instead of controlling through fear or urgency, I’d encourage fostering collaboration through trust and transparency. We might practice skills like active listening, expressing vulnerability, or delegating responsibility in ways that empower the team.

Finally, I’d help them track progress and celebrate wins. Positive reinforcement strengthens new behaviors, so I’d highlight instances where their change made a tangible impact, such as improved team morale or productivity.

The journey won’t be instantaneous, but a nudgeable leader’s willingness provides fertile ground for growth. With the right guidance, they can transition from a reactive, manipulative style to one rooted in respect, authenticity, and mutual growth.”