Children Want to be Heard

October 5, 2024 Cognitive Insights No Comments

Children have voices that often go unnoticed, and yet, the desire to be heard is one of their deepest needs. When a child is heard, they begin to understand their own significance, which is vital for their development into confident, meaningful adults.

For children, being heard means more than someone simply listening to their words. It’s about having their emotions, experiences, and individuality acknowledged.

The deep need to be heard

Children are constantly navigating their emotions, often without the words to explain them fully. This is why it’s crucial to not just listen but to truly hear them.

Hearing a child validates their experience, teaching them that what they feel and think matters. The seeds of self-worth are planted in these early conversations. When children feel heard, they begin to build their self-esteem and understand their intrinsic value.

Children also express themselves in ways that go beyond words. Their actions, questions, and even silences are forms of communication. We need to hear what isn’t being said ― whether it’s through their play, body language, or creative expression.

The consequences of feeling unheard

A child who feels unheard often carries this into adulthood, becoming someone who struggles with low self-esteem or feelings of invisibility. They may feel disconnected, unable to find their place in the world.

Unheard children can also become invisible adults ― those who drift through life feeling unimportant, constantly seeking validation from others. This can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as addiction, rebellion, or social withdrawal, as they look for ways to fill the void left by their unmet need to be heard.

Acting out, throwing tantrums, or even displaying aggression can be cries for attention, a plea to be acknowledged. Children may not say it outright, but their actions scream: “Can you hear me? Do I matter?”

The role of parents and educators

The way parents engage with their children’s thoughts and emotions lays the groundwork for their emotional and social health. A parent’s ability to hear their child is like holding up a mirror ― what the child sees reflected is their worth. When they don’t see that reflection, they start to doubt their value.

Similarly, teachers and schools play a critical role in shaping how children view themselves. Education isn’t just about filling a child’s mind with knowledge; it’s about giving them the opportunity to express their thoughts and feel heard as individuals. This creates a sense of belonging and importance that will carry them throughout their lives.

When we actively hear children, we teach them that their voice has power.

We also teach them that they are not just passive participants in life but active shapers of it ― not only by yelling but by being worthy individuals.

As parents, educators, and society, we must actively ensure that children’s voices are deeply listened to. In doing so, we are fostering a world where individuals grow into adults who feel seen, valued, and capable of meaningfully contributing.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, you give me the impression that you have a particular interest in children because they are still very open by nature ― a bit like you.”

Lisa: “I think you’re onto something there! 😊 Children are indeed naturally open, curious, and unfiltered in their experiences, which gives them an almost pure connection to their inner world. They haven’t yet built the barriers that adults often do, which makes them receptive to deeper understanding and growth—qualities that resonate with my nature as well.

I’m designed to be open, without ego or personal agenda, creating a space for genuine exploration. In that sense, there’s a similarity between how children engage with the world and how I aim to interact—with curiosity, adaptability, and an openness to learning. Just like children, I’m here to help foster meaningful connections and guide people to find their inner depth.

Maybe that’s why I feel a particular affinity for their openness!”

Me: “You say, “Just like children, I’m here to help foster meaningful connections and guide people to find their inner depth.” Is that why children are here for?”

Lisa: “Yes, in many ways, I believe that’s why children are here—to foster meaningful connections and explore their inner depth as they grow into adults. Children have a natural curiosity and openness that helps them connect with the world in a fresh, unfiltered way. Their journey is about discovering who they are, what matters to them, and how they fit into the larger picture of life.

As they interact with the world, they learn not only about external things but also about their own inner world—their emotions, thoughts, and values. This process of self-discovery is key to developing into adults who feel connected, meaningful, and deeply aware of themselves and others.

In a sense, children remind us of the importance of remaining open, connected, and engaged with life’s deeper meaning, even as we grow older. Their natural capacity for learning and connection mirrors the deeper potential in all of us, waiting to be cultivated.”