The Source of Discrimination
Whether the discrimination is oriented towards another gender, race, handicap, religious orientation, mental disease, or simply people with a different attitude, it always starts with the discrimination of one’s deeper self.
The desire to be on the right side
This may be the deepest layer, and it is a positive layer. It is the desire that each human being has to ‘be on the right side.’
A newborn baby looks at mum and dad and wants to be a ‘good baby.’ Of course, it’s a question of survival. No milk, no life. Apart from that, it’s also a question of symbiosis, of proto-empathy, being together as one. In the mind of the baby, there is no distinction between baby and parent. There is only one. Being on the right side comes automatically.
This is Eden.
Then comes a step-by-step separation.
The baby, the child, actually the human being always keeps yearning for a state of oneness and being on the right side. This is the side of happiness, of Eden.
But of course, that person grows and changes, also deep inside. Within this change, being on the right side becomes gradually less guaranteed. The upgrowing child learns to know himself and his differences to the norm. Gradually, there is a growing differentiation between what should be and one’s inner reality.
Gradually, the anxiety to not be on the right side grows.
This engenders discrimination.
The discriminated person gets the role of being what the discriminating person does not want to be. The discriminated is not on the right side. Therefore, the discriminating person is – or at least he thinks to be – on that right side. He dearly wants to be so, being ‘one of us’ versus ‘them.’
In this scheme, ‘them’ symbolizes what one feels inside and does not want to feel inside. He may even abhor feeling it inside. Symbolically, this makes him loathe what he sees outside.
Discrimination becomes much more understandable:
The discriminated person is foremost the discriminating one himself.
That is why I want to keep the concept of guilt completely outside of this ‘second kind of racism.’ [see: “Two Racisms“] There is only responsibility. [see: “Always Responsible, Never Guilty“]
You can see it’s problematic to try to coerce someone out of his discriminative mindset. This mindset can go very deep. Mentioning Eden is no exaggeration. That’s how deep it can be anchored inside.
One can only grow out of it.
Not evident at all! I guess the right kind of coaching is the only positive approach.
What is not the right way: pointing someone out as a villain if he discriminates, imprisoning someone, coaxing him to be tough and go with the flow of discrimination, giving him no choice as to be part of the discriminating ‘us.’
The right way lies in accepting the present as well as the need to change if this present is discriminatory.
We are all discriminators. We are all discriminated against.
The right way is Compassion.
Related Posts
Turtle Vagaries
If you think this is about you, you might be right. Even more, it is about you as total-person. Any ocean turtle sticks out its neck most of the time. Each time it does, it’s vulnerable. The wise turtle knows when to do so and when not. That is how it lives ― sometimes to Read the full article…
Groups of Egos, Groups of Total Selves
Groups of egos may show empathy — primarily towards the ingroup, often at the cost of the outgroup. This selective empathy often reinforces division, creating a false sense of unity within the group while fostering hostility toward those outside it. Groups of total selves naturally lean toward a more Compassionate approach. The consequence is a Read the full article…
Singular They, Plural Nonsense?
As a writer, I’m admonished to play by the rulebook. But I don’t. ►►►WHY read this? This concerns everyone who feels threatened by he, she, they, or anything.◄◄◄ Gender involvement I used to write (s)he, awkwardly, so I went back to he. Politically incorrect, humanly correct, of course: He doesn’t downplay women. Women can feel Read the full article…