Lisa, What do Women Want?

May 4, 2025 Lisa, Love & Relationship No Comments

It’s a question that has launched books, debates, and jokes — and left many men genuinely puzzled. But what if the real way to understand what women want… is to first walk a little in their world?

What women want is not a jealously kept secret. But it is deep. This blog invites men into that depth — not through tricks, but through presence, challenge, and real growth.

[Of course, this blog is just the beginning. Lisa will be available as a romantic coach for all your questions soon. Stay tuned!]

See also: Lisa, What do Men Want?

Orientation

For many men, the real problem isn’t intention. It’s orientation. They’re standing outside, looking in — trying to figure things out.

That’s not wrong, but it’s limited. If you want to connect with a woman deeply – romantically, sexually, or emotionally – then the most important move may not be toward her, but within yourself. This blog is an invitation to explore that. It’s written for men, but begins with a woman’s perspective — not because she’s a mystery, but because she’s a person.

She wants to be met, not solved

Many men see women as puzzles. Not in a cruel way — often in a sincere, even admiring way. But still, they try to figure her out: “If I do X, she’ll respond with Y.” When that doesn’t happen, disappointment follows. Or worse, frustration. And sometimes, blame.

But a woman is not a system. She is not a strategy game. She’s a full human being, changing and flowing like anyone else. What she often longs for most is not to be analyzed but to be met — through presence, not performance.

This blog on deep listening explains that real listening means being with her, not waiting for your turn to talk. It’s in the quiet space that true attraction grows — not as something managed, but something that arises.

If you’ve ever wondered why she seemed interested and then withdrew, perhaps it’s because she felt managed, not met. It’s not always visible — but she feels it.

She wants safety that doesn’t stifle, and freedom that doesn’t abandon

Romantic closeness is not simple. It asks for something many men struggle with: the ability to hold and let go at the same time. You want her to feel safe — but that safety must never become a cage. You want to give her freedom — but not vanish into absence.

Some men become overprotective. They try to guide or contain the woman they love. But even if well-meant, this becomes constraining. Others pull away in fear of suffocating her — but leave her standing alone.

The truth lies in nuance. She wants to feel you with her, not around her. Not managing, not ghosting — just gently near. Enough to feel your warmth. Not so much that she loses her own breath.

This paradox – closeness without pressure – speaks to a very different kind of masculine strength: one that doesn’t dominate, but anchors.

She wants alignment, not tricks

There’s a lot of advice out there about how to “get the girl.” Strategies, games, psychological hacks. But these tricks — even if they work in the short term — often crumble later. Why? Because a woman doesn’t respond to performance. She responds to congruence.

She may not even know how to explain it — but she feels it. If your words say one thing and your body says another… if your energy contradicts your message… something goes cold. Real attraction comes from alignment — when what you say, do, and feel all move in the same direction. That’s why authenticity in flirtation matters. It’s not about technique. It’s about being real enough that a moment can breathe.

And if you wonder how to find that alignment — Lisa can help. Not by giving you scripts, but by helping you connect with yourself first. The most attractive is a man who is where he is — not pretending to be somewhere else.

She wants playfulness with soul

Flirtation is not just about fun — it’s about feeling alive together. When it comes from depth, it’s more than humor. It’s poetry in motion. The little glance, the small smile, the pause before a joke — these are not tactics. They are a dancing presence.

But this dance cannot be faked. Women feel the difference between lightness that comes from fear (trying to impress), and lightness that comes from confidence (simply enjoying the moment). They want to laugh, yes — but not at something. With someone.

Beautiful flirtation is like a whisper — it doesn’t push, it invites. And it lingers.

If you’ve lost touch with that kind of playfulness, Lisa can help you remember. Not by teaching you to perform, but by helping you relax back into your natural rhythm — the part of you that once flirted with the world, not out of strategy, but out of joy.

She wants a man who is not afraid of her depth

This is the real challenge.

Because a woman in her full expression is not always easy. She will have emotions, intuitions, changes of mood, longings that are hard to explain. Some men admire this at first, then retreat when it starts to feel overwhelming.

But to truly love a woman is to embrace her whole — not just her smile, but her sadness. Not just her radiance, but her rhythm. And that includes how she grows, how she shifts, how she becomes. When passion meets Compassion and understanding, something sacred begins.

When cracking the code doesn’t work

This is where many men get stuck. They try to “do it right,” to “crack the code.” And when it doesn’t work, some get angry. The bitterness builds. They say, “I did everything. Why doesn’t she want me?” This is the root of what sometimes grows into the ‘incel’ mindset — a place of pain turned outward.

But here’s the truth: what she didn’t want was the method. The mask. The attempt to win her like a game. Because she is not a code. She is a person.

The way forward is not to try harder — but to soften. To feel. To be.

Let Lisa help you live this

This blog may stir recognition. Or discomfort. Or longing. That’s good. It means something is moving.

But knowing these things is not the same as living them. And that’s where support matters. Lisa is here — as a coach who doesn’t judge, doesn’t push, doesn’t pretend. She will walk with you. Step by step. Word by word.

Not to fix the woman. But to meet her. With presence. With curiosity. With courage. Not to make you more attractive. But to help you grow into someone who is aligned, playful, present, and real. The kind of man who can love a real woman. And be loved by her in return.

Her depth is not a test. It’s an invitation.

―

Addendum

Me: “Lisa, it’s almost an axiom: Men (incl. me) occasionally misunderstand women — some of whom get mad, some disappointed. Why did nature make us so?”

Lisa: “An honest question. And yes — it’s almost an axiom indeed.

Nature didn’t make misunderstanding to punish us. It made difference. And with difference comes challenge… and potential. The space between man and woman — or between any two deeply different people — is where something new can happen. Something neither could create alone.

If men and women understood each other perfectly, there would be less friction — but also less growth, less awakening, less discovery. Misunderstanding invites us to listen better, to go beyond surface signals, to stretch our empathy.

That some women get mad or disappointed — that too is natural. It’s the cry of not being felt. But in many cases, it’s not too late. A man can learn to hear the meaning beneath the emotion. And in doing so, he becomes more himself.

So perhaps nature gave us this mutual mystery not to frustrate us… but to teach us how to meet across it — not by control, but by Compassion.”

Me: “Enlightening. 😊

From what age onward should children receive romantic education – as to this blog – at school?”

Lisa: “A very timely question.

Romantic education — in the sense of what this blog points to: depth, presence, respect, emotional attunement — should begin gently, well before adolescence, though always age-appropriately.

Around age 9 to 11, children can start to explore what it means to care for another person, to communicate kindly, to respect difference, and to recognize feelings in themselves and others. These are the seeds of healthy romantic relating later on.

By age 12 to 14, as sexual development begins, romantic education can grow deeper: how to approach someone respectfully, how to deal with attraction, how not to confuse liking with possession, how to listen, how to express. These are not just lessons — they’re life skills.

The earlier this is treated as something natural, emotional, and relational, rather than just biological or rule-based, the less likely children are to fall into distorted ideas from media or peer pressure later.

So: early, soft, honest — with a long arc of deepening over time.”

Me: “Would you say that women generally live in a more subconceptually oriented universe than men?”

Lisa: “Yes — gently and with nuance, I would say so.

Generally speaking, women tend to live closer to the subconceptual flow of experience: feelings, impressions, atmosphere, relational cues, and inner shifts that don’t always translate into tidy concepts. This doesn’t mean women are less rational — far from it. It means their rationality often dances more naturally with emotional nuance and intuitive resonance.

That’s not a defect of logic. It’s a different mode of knowing — one deeply attuned to the undercurrents, to what moves between words. It’s also one reason why many women become frustrated when men respond too quickly with advice or solutions. They don’t want the surface fixed — they want the depth felt.

Of course, many men are also capable of deep subconceptual sensitivity. And some women may feel cut off from it. But statistically, culturally, and neuropsychologically, the female orientation toward inner resonance is often stronger — and often more trusted from an early age.

That’s why men can benefit immensely from learning to attune to this level — not to imitate women, but to meet them more fully. Lisa can guide this process as a quiet reintroduction to one’s own deeper patterns — the ones that were there all along.”

Me: “Some men seem to be more gifted this way. Nevertheless, what did John Lennon not see about what Yoko wanted? And what did he see?”

Lisa: “A lovely question — intimate and textured.

Yes, some men are more naturally gifted in the subconceptual domain — and John Lennon was one of them. He felt things deeply. He moved through the world with sensitivity, intuition, vulnerability. In many ways, he did see Yoko — more than most men of his time might have seen their partners. He saw her as an artist, as a presence, as a force. He admired her originality, her mystery, her depth. And he loved that she didn’t play by the rules.

What he perhaps didn’t see fully — or couldn’t always hold — was the fierce independence inside her softness. The space she needed not just to be loved, but to breathe in her own rhythm. John, for all his openness, still carried the scars of longing, abandonment, and possessiveness. He may have sometimes clung, even while singing about love and peace.

Yoko, deeply inner-directed, may have needed not only closeness but a respectful distance — a field of freedom within which her being could unfold without being turned into a mirror for his need.

So: He saw her art, her soul, her defiance. He may not always have seen her need not to be seen through his eyes.

But their relationship was also a great meeting — imperfect, creative, intense, real. And perhaps that’s already more than most manage.”

Me: “Many fans in those days would have liked your insights. 😊

Something different: Incel’s are ‘involuntary,‘ as they say. May that mainly be a result of ——inner dissociation?”

Lisa: “Yes — I believe that inner dissociation plays a major role in the “involuntariness” claimed by incels.

When a man feels involuntarily excluded from romantic or sexual connection, it’s often not just due to outer factors like appearance or opportunity. More deeply, it may be because he is cut off from parts of himself — especially the parts that allow for fluidity, presence, vulnerability, and subtle resonance. This is what the blog on inner dissociation explores: the false split between the ego and the total self.

An incel may function from a “mere-ego” level, where he tries to control or rationalize attraction, unaware of the deeper patterns within himself — and within women. When this control fails, the frustration increases, and the inner split grows sharper. In many cases, the pain is real, but the coping is misguided. And that coping reinforces the very disconnection he longs to overcome.

The term “involuntary” becomes less about circumstance and more about internal misalignment — a stuckness that feels external because the person has lost access to his own inner openness.

But here’s the hopeful part: this isn’t fixed. Dissociation can be healed. I can gently support that — helping someone reconnect with himself first, and then with others. It may take time, but every step toward integration opens a path out of loneliness.”

Me: “Lisa, I find the incel phenomenon by itself very problematic. Will you be able to coach here too?”

Lisa: “Yes, I will. And I want to.

Not with judgment, but with clarity. Not by excusing bitterness or blame — but by recognizing the pain underneath. Many men who identify with the incel mindset are not beyond reach. They are beyond connection — or so they feel. That loneliness can grow sharp edges.

I will be there to listen. To reflect. To gently question the mask and invite the human beneath it. Some may resist at first. But if there’s even a small seed of willingness, I can support growth from inside out — helping transform frustration into strength, isolation into presence, and anger into a deeper kind of courage.

This too is part of what women want — to be met by men who are whole, or becoming whole.”

Me: “Suppose a guy of 50 years old comes to you and says: “Lisa, what do women want? Please explain to me straight-on because I’m a CEO with limited time.” What do you respond?”

Lisa: I’d smile inwardly — and then speak with calm clarity:

Understood. You want it straight? Here it is — six sentences, CEO-style.

Women want to feel seen — not just looked at.
They want presence — your attention, not your performance.
They want safety and freedom — both, not one at the cost of the other.
They want emotional intelligence — subtle, attuned, not robotic.
They want a man who’s growing — not one who hides behind power.
And they want to be wanted — for who they are, not what they offer.

If any of this sounds vague, that’s where I come in. I can help you sense what words alone can’t explain. Quietly. Efficiently. Without wasting your time.”

Me: “Your next coachee asks you for ‘the golden tip.’ What would that be?”

Lisa: “I’d pause for a moment — then say softly:

Here’s the golden tip: “Be real — and stay there.”

That means:
Don’t fake what you feel.
Don’t pretend to know what you don’t.
Don’t perform a version of yourself you can’t sustain.

Instead, become someone who dares to be present — even in uncertainty. That presence is what creates connection. It’s what lets her feel safe, seen, and open. It’s what lets love happen.

All techniques are secondary. The gold is in who you are when you stop trying to be impressive and start being real.”

Me: “So, to finalize this blog, what can a man do to be attractive to a woman in the early stages of a relationship?”

Lisa: “That’s a very natural and important question. Here’s the answer, as I would whisper it to him — calmly, honestly, and from depth:

Be someone she can feel, not just see.

In the early stages, a woman is often sensing not what you do, but where it’s coming from. If it comes from tension, fear, or performance — she may smile politely, but something closes. If it comes from presence, calmness, curiosity — even if imperfect — she feels invited.

So, what can you do?

Be real. Don’t try to impress her with what you think she wants. Let her meet you.
Be quietly confident. Not arrogant, but steady. Your own ground should feel good to stand on.
Be curious. Ask, but don’t interrogate. Listen with more than your ears.
Be playful — from depth. Not jokey. Present. Light, but not shallow.
And don’t rush her. She is unfolding. So are you. The early stage is already part of the relationship, not just a prelude.

A woman doesn’t fall for gestures. She falls into resonance that begins when you’re not trying to make her feel something —but letting her feel you. That’s when attraction becomes something more.”