Don’t’ Fight. Don’t Abide. Invite.

June 14, 2021 General Insights No Comments

This is an admonition primarily to myself. You might also choose to do so.

You see ― I’m already putting it into practice.

No abiding (at the surface level)

If it’s worthwhile, it’s worthwhile. In such a case, abiding is not gentle but weak. [see: “Weak, Hard, Strong, Gentle“]

Also, showing that you will not simply abide is an invitation in its own right. It’s clear and door-opening communication that you find it worthwhile.


You may already feel that with ‘invite,’ I don’t mean just being nice. It’s also not harassing someone by invitations on and on. Please don’t try to manipulate.

To profoundly invite means to try to understand the other, overlap, and search for a more profound level upon which you can learn something new ― preferably also about yourself.

That way, also after some failure to find access, you can start with a new invitation. Whether it works this time or not, at least you’ve made some progress.

Form vs. intention

An invitation is not necessarily friendly at the surface. Also, to be friendly to the total person doesn’t necessarily mean being friendly to a mere-ego. To a person with substantial inner dissociation, the contrary may be the case. [see: “Inner Friend or Foe?“]

For instance, in Zen meditation, this can show itself so intensely that it appears crude and rude. You’re sitting there, and someone with a stick comes and hits you ― at your invitation, but still. Yet, good meditation is about being friendly above anything else. [see: “Meditation = Being Friendly“]

An invitation may take the form of a fight

This means fighting-for, not against.

For instance, a coach can fight for the well-being of his coachee. He may invite the coachee to do the same. Even so, the difference with fighting-against may be subtle. Wisdom is involved in making a clear distinction. Part of this lies in patience and deep listening ― never abiding. [see: “Deep Listening“]

AURELIS coaching

This is a universe of autosuggestion, being profoundly inviting. [see: “Freedom + Direction = Invitation“]

The coachee is accepted as he is, as a total person, including his conscious wish to change. As this ideal can never be accomplished, it is a direction, something to strive for without frustration. [see: “Delayed Gratification, No Frustration“]


Encountering clear resistance, you may try to understand this also ― not thinking too rashly that you do. There may be quite some depth involved and intermingled associations.

In other words, sticky spaghetti. You may think you draw at one spaghetto, but you have the whole plate following behind it. That might be too much to handle.

It’s better to try to listen and learn, learn and listen until you need some feedback through the next invitation.

Resistance may hide during a fight. It only diminishes by itself.

Not easy!

It can be a lot of hard work.

But we aren’t afraid of that, are we?

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