Be(com)ing Positive
It happens: people who see themselves as ‘positive’ but who are such only in a superficial layer, like thin ice over a pool.
Being positive is not saying ‘yes’ to anything
and then again, it is.
But not thoughtless, not feeling-less. One can say ‘yes’ in many ways. It can mean “I see you”, “I understand you”, “I listen to you.” Listening is a way of being positive. [see: “Listening to Silence”]
One can also say ‘no’ in many ways. The most pernicious one of them being “I do not want to listen to you.” Indeed, one may not want to listen because one may not want to change. Except in the icy part. And even there, it’s not easy.
Being positive is taking the challenge to be able to change.
This is: change from inside. Not some change at the outside with the explicit intention to keep the inside ‘business as usual.’
Not a change of keeping up appearances. [see: “Do Not Change”]
Real change is a process of inner growth. Look at a plant. It can grow. It cannot un-grow. Inner growth is a challenge. You don’t go back.
Being positive is taking this challenge.
That’s OK. Don’t break the ice. Don’t make it stronger. When comes spring?
Spring comes when one becomes more and more positive.
The big question is: “How?”
The big answer is: “Meditation.” I mean this in the broadest sense. On a cushion if you like, but it’s not that concrete cushion that makes the meditation. It’s you.
Off the cushion? Sure. It can be anywhere. As long as you give deep attention. As long as for instance you see more than icy layers in people. People are always more than that. There’s always a lot to be positive about.
That includes you.
Looking this way, you become more positive. Sure, now you can say:
“There’s also always a lot to be negative about.”
True. The positive stance is not to push the negative away. It just doesn’t go away by pushing.
The really positive stance is to look at the negative itself as the pool. There’s an icy layer on it. By staring only at this, you don’t see the pool.
What is the ‘raison d’être’ of the negative? How can you invite it to change?
Do you even (still) want to invite it? Even acknowledging that you don’t want to, can be positive because this way, you won’t spend a tremendous lot of energy (anymore) in trying to accomplish something that you yourself are inhibiting at the same time. You avoid burnout. You avoid making the other person guilty for your burnout.
And then maybe the ice will melt by itself, at its own pace.
And then maybe you see your own ice melting too, bit by bit.
There are many ways to be(come) positive.
Related Posts
Is All Learning Associational?
Most probably. This is a domain where animal/human learning and A.I. learning can learn much from each other. Three forms of learning in A.I. Generally, learning in A.I. is divided into two distinct kinds, with a third one dangling in the appendix, referring to another book (*). supervised learning: training with specific input and labeled Read the full article…
Apollonian – Dionysian – Odyssean
In therapy/coaching and in everyday life, one may be more Apollonian oriented or more Dionysian, or see it all as an adventurous journey. Nietzschean dichotomy Nietzsche used ancient Greek mythology to characterize two different mindsets in culture, art, and individual: Apollonian: more orderly, yet illusory and socially constructed Dionysian: more passionate, at the same time Read the full article…
Is Your Wanting Yours?
It feels so mainly because one isn’t conscious of the many influences that eventually shape one’s wanting. But is it, and should it? Theory and practice In theory, if you count genetics to these influences, external forces shape and mold every wanting. This ends the concept of free will ― in theory. A way out Read the full article…