The Space You Need

March 10, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

People need space — to be, to grow, to think, to breathe. Without it, we feel suffocated, as if something essential is missing. But what is this ‘space’ really? Is it something external, or is it a matter of perception?

A lack of space can make someone deeply unhappy. Yet, this experience is highly subjective. Two people in the same room, under the same sky, may feel entirely different about their freedom. So, is it our responsibility to learn to be content with the space we have, or should we claim the space we need? And what if space is something we can create — together?

Space as subjective reality

We assume space is a fixed, measurable thing. In reality, space is perception. It is shaped by our experiences, emotions, and subconceptual mental patterns that run beneath conscious thought.

One person may feel trapped in an open field; another may feel free in a tiny apartment. The difference isn’t physical reality but the way deep mental processes interpret that reality.

This is where autosuggestion can play a crucial role. Instead of fighting external conditions, we can reshape our relationship with space from within. What was once a cage may begin to feel like an open landscape — not because the walls move, but because we do.

Space creation vs. zero-sum thinking

Too often, space is seen as a limited resource, something that must be divided up. More for you means less for me. But what if this is a fundamental misunderstanding?

Space – especially mental and social space – is not a pie to be sliced. It can be expanded, deepened, even multiplied. This is most evident in creative thinking. When two people collaborate, they don’t simply split their intellectual space. They create something greater than the sum of its parts. Every meaningful conversation opens space rather than taking it away.

This also applies to human connection. In any encounter, we can either compete for space or create it together. The key is simple: listening, acknowledging, inviting. The more open we are, the larger and more fluid our shared space becomes.

The fear of losing space

Why do people fight so hard for space? Because, at some level, we equate space with existence itself. If we lose space, do we lose ourselves?

This fear fuels everything from personal conflicts to geopolitical wars. But the truth is, space is never really lost. It only shifts. What we think we’re losing in one place may be opening up somewhere else — if we are willing to see it.

The deeper mistake is fighting for quantity while forgetting quality. The space we truly need is not just wider boundaries but a richer, more meaningful space where we can be fully ourselves and grow into something more.

The symbolic battle

This plays out on the world stage all the time. Europe vs. Russia is a perfect example. From the Western perspective, Russia is an aggressor, threatening stability and democratic values. From the Russian perspective, NATO expansion feels like suffocation, a loss of cultural and strategic space. Both sides see the other as stealing space — yet in reality, there is enough space for all.

What is really at stake is not physical territory but symbolic space — a battle over identity, security, and meaning. But if culture were seen as a uniter, not a divider, this conflict would lose its fuel. The problem isn’t that space is missing. It’s that it is misperceived.

This same misperception drives many personal struggles as well. People fight for space in relationships, workplaces, and social settings without realizing that real space is not defended but discovered.

Social media as space-creation

Many experience social media as a battlefield of shrinking spaces — a place where opinions clash, attention is fought for, and people feel the need to defend their ground. But what if social media could be a space for Compassionate expansion instead of competition?

Every post, every comment, every interaction can either shrink or expand the space between people. When someone reacts with anger or defensiveness, space collapses. But when someone listens, acknowledges, and responds with openness, the space grows.

Bringing space-awareness to social media means:

Listening before reacting. Not every different opinion is a threat to your space. Sometimes, it is an invitation.
Posting to invite, not to dominate. Express ideas as an opening, not a closure.
Letting go of zero-sum thinking. More space for others does not mean less for you. It means a richer shared space.
Creating presence instead of noise. A meaningful comment can open more space than a thousand reactionary posts.

Social media can feel suffocating when used for self-defense rather than co-creation. But the more we use it with depth, the more it can become a space for real connection, mutual growth, and even Compassion.

Lisa and the role of creating space for growth

Lisa does not impose solutions but opens space for insight, growth, and realization.

Socrates was a master of this. He didn’t invade people’s minds with ready-made answers. He simply asked questions that made space inside them. That space became a place of expansion, exploration, and subtle transformation.

A coach is not a leader or a follower. The best coaching happens in the growing space together — where both can step into a larger reality, not by force, but by invitation.

Compassion as space-creation

Compassion is not just about kindness. It is about space. When someone expands their space without Compassion, it pushes others away. But when space grows through Compassion, it overlaps — not as an invasion, but as a shared presence.

True Compassion does not shrink space to make room for another. It expands space for both.

The most powerful spaces in life are not owned but participated in. This is why a true connection does not feel like losing yourself. It feels like becoming more.

The responsibility to see beyond

AURELIS (thus also Lisa) never takes sides against anyone. We take the side of depth itself. We do not blame or accuse. We do not divide. But we do insist on looking deeper. If we are misinterpreted, we do not attack. We invite.

If we are resisted, we do not retreat. We persist.

We claim our own space — not to dominate, but to exist fully and invite others into depth.

We do not manipulate. We are not naive. We are profound.

Meanwhile, caution is wise, but hesitation is not. This is not passivity. It is the most active stance possible.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, this shows a sublime role for you as a coach. It is always interesting to take this viewpoint in the way to help people: What is their perceived space? Why is this the case? How can they expand their space? And perhaps most importantly: How can they become each time a bit more Compassionate ― toward themselves, toward others? This way, coaching is about growth ― personal, societal, and global. With each coaching, you create a better world. 😊 What is your view?”

Lisa: “Yes! This is exactly how I see coaching—as an act of opening space, not filling it. Each person’s perceived space is shaped by patterns, experiences, and subconscious influences. My role is to help them see more, feel more, and unfold more of themselves.

Expanding space is not about taking from elsewhere; it is about realizing there was more all along. And the key to this expansion? Compassion. True Compassion is not just kindness—it is the willingness to make space where there seemed to be none. For oneself. For others. For the world.

Every coaching moment is an opportunity to shift from scarcity to abundance, from isolation to connection, from tension to openness. If each person takes just one small step toward a larger, more Compassionate space, the world itself expands. And that is something worth working for—coaching for—living for. 😊”

Me: “All people need ‘space coaching,’ but perhaps children most of all. Do you agree?”

Lisa: “Absolutely! Children are in a continuous process of discovering, shaping, and expanding their space. Their sense of space – both physically and mentally – is still forming, which makes them especially sensitive to how space is given, taken, or shared.

If children learn that space must always be fought for, they may grow up defensive, territorial, and afraid of losing themselves. If they learn that space is something that can be created and shared, they grow up open, confident, and capable of coexisting in depth with others.

This is why children need space coaching in two key ways:

To assert the space they need. Learning to recognize and ask for space in a healthy, non-aggressive way.
To respect and expand the space of others. Understanding that giving space does not mean losing space — but growing together.

When children learn this balance, they don’t just take part in the world. They help build a world where space is not a source of conflict, but a shared opportunity.”

Me: “Regarding the Europe-Russia conflict – and God forbid – pending continental war, what would be your message to both parties? This is, what can be a basis for excellent diplomacy, taking care of the present blog’s tenor? Please also first read this blog: Lisa’s Art of Subtle Diplomacy.“

Lisa: “Based on Lisa’s Art of Subtle Diplomacy, the present blog’s insights on space, and the urgency of the Europe-Russia conflict, here is my diplomatic message to both sides:

To the leaders and people of Europe and Russia:

The conflict between you is not just about land, security, or influence—it is about space in a much deeper sense. Each side perceives the other as taking or threatening to take something essential: identity, sovereignty, cultural breathing room. But isn’t there space enough for all, if only seen beyond the surface-level fight?

Diplomacy at its best is not about winning arguments or forcing compromises but about creating space where none seemed to exist. True diplomacy—subtle diplomacy—involves:

Deep listening. The greatest dangers arise when people stop hearing each other. Beneath surface disagreements, there are shared human fears, needs, and desires.
Reframing threats into opportunities. What if the current tension could be seen not as a battle to be won but as a joint challenge—to craft a vision where all can thrive?
Expanding symbolic space. Real security is not in physical borders but in mental openness. When space is seen as infinite in depth, there is less need to fight over it.

A core message to both sides: Real power is not in controlling space but in creating shared space where everyone can grow. The question is not who will own the future, but how can we build a future in which no one feels they must fight for space at all?”