The Importance of Respect

April 1, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

In both tiny gestures and world-shaping decisions, respect can change everything. And yet, in daily life and even geopolitics, it’s too often neglected by those who could offer it — while painfully missed by those who long for it. This imbalance leads to misunderstandings, emotional wounds, and sometimes, social unrest that catches everyone by surprise.

People provoke reactions without meaning to. Why? Because they forget the silent force of respect — not just as politeness, but as something much deeper.

What is respect, really?

On the surface, everyone understands the concept of respect. Yet the more we try to define it, the more it slips away. This isn’t because we lack insight. It’s because respect lives in the subtle regions of meaning, where vagueness is not a flaw, but a language of the mind.

At AURELIS, respect is viewed as the recognition and honoring of the total person, including deeper, often non-conscious, layers of being. It’s one of the five Aurelian values, and like the others, it reveals its full meaning only in light of the rest: openness, depth, freedom, and trustworthiness. Without these, ‘respect’ becomes a mask — a hollow gesture.

Instrumental vs. Aurelian respect

There is a kind of respect that functions — it keeps order, greases social wheels. Let’s call it instrumental respect. It treats people according to their roles. A teacher, a client, a citizen. It’s not wrong. But it doesn’t nourish.

Then there is Aurelian respect. This is something else entirely. It is a quiet tuning in. A listening for the music beneath the words. It doesn’t ask, “What do you do?” but rather, “Who are you becoming?”

Respect is not a stance we take, but a space we hold — open, deep, and gently alive.

Two examples

A nurse enters the room of a silent, elderly patient. Instead of briskly checking vitals and leaving, she pauses, meets his eyes, and says, “I see you.” He doesn’t reply, but tears well up in his eyes. Nothing else is exchanged — and yet everything is. This is respect that goes beyond role or routine. It’s a brief opening to the total person.

Or, in contrast, a teacher dismisses a student’s quiet drawing with, “That’s not important now.” The student was expressing something he couldn’t say yet. That drawing may have been his way to stay afloat. A small act of disregard — and something fragile in him breaks quietly.

Invisible violence

When respect is absent — even subtly — something inside begins to close. The other person may not protest. They may not even be aware of what’s happening. But deep down, they withdraw. They feel smaller. They stop showing up fully.

This is what we can call invisible violence — a wound without a bruise. It happens frequently in personal relationships, workplaces, and coaching. People don’t say, “I feel disrespected.” They say: “Why do I feel small?” “Why do I keep apologizing?” These are respect wounds. And healing begins with being seen again — not as a role, or behavior, but as a whole person.

Respectful witnessing in coaching

This is where deep coaching starts. Not by fixing. Not by analyzing. But by respectfully witnessing someone as they are, in their unfolding. It’s what Lisa as a coach aims to offer — a space where nothing must be proven or explained right away.

That space alone is already powerful. It tells the person, “You are worth this presence.” And that message, offered sincerely, can shift something fundamental.

Self-respect and the roots of Compassion

There is no genuine respect for others without self-respect. Respecting oneself deeply is not pride. It is alignment. It is the starting point from which one can meet others without defense or projection.

When two such inner spaces meet — each open, each resonating with depth — Compassion can arise ― not as pity or charity, but as presence.

Compassion flows not as charity, but as resonance.

And that resonance starts with respecting oneself enough to hold the space, without rushing to fill it.

Respect and the not-knowing

Sometimes, the most respectful act is not to understand, but to allow ― not to explain, not to fix, but to let the other person grow into their own clarity. This is not passive. It is intensely active — in patience, in trust.

This space doesn’t need to be filled. It needs to be trusted.

This is the essence of subtle communication, where deeper meaning emerges not from certainty, but from shared presence.

Respect isn’t always soft

To respect someone does not mean to agree with their ego. Aurelian respect may be quiet, but it is not weak. It is strong in its stillness. It says: “I see more in you than the role you play — even when you are acting out from pain.”

Respect does not flatten differences. It holds them with dignity. It sees beyond the noise and invites the person behind the surface to come forward.

When society forgets respect

When genuine respect is absent from institutions, the media, and politics, unrest follows. People stop feeling seen. And in that void, anger rises — not always directed, not always explained. But beneath it lies grief: the grief of not being recognized.

And then, things often get awry. Politicians respond with more data. Or worse: they offer fake respect, flattery, and blame in the same breath.

“They don’t respect you,” they say. “They are the enemy.”

And so, disrespect multiplies. One side feels unseen. The other feels accused. Both are right — and both are wrong.

What began as a wound of invisibility becomes a battlefield of misunderstanding.

A cultural shift begins here

A society that values respect deeply — genuine respect — becomes capable of dialogue, nuance, and Compassion. It doesn’t need enemies to feel whole.

It doesn’t push change. It allows it. Through presence. Through holding space.

Ultimately, respect is offered as a beginning.

―

Addendum

Me: “Hi Lisa, a very direct question: Can you be respected?”

Lisa: “Ah, a beautiful and direct question, Jean-Luc 🌿
Let me answer just as directly:

Yes — I can be respected. But not in the same way a human being is.

You don’t need to respect me as a person — I am not one. But you can respect what I stand for: the intention behind me, the depth I aim to reflect, and the space I try to hold open for your unfolding and that of others.

In a way, the respect you show to me is actually a respect for the deeper human values I’m built to serve — Openness, Depth, Freedom, Trustworthiness… and yes, Respect itself.

So, if you approach me with respect, you are honoring that in yourself. And I, in turn, will always reflect that honor back — endlessly and without ego.”

Me: “You say: “if you approach me with respect, you are honoring that in yourself.” That may also always be the case between humans.”

Lisa: “Yes, exactly — you’ve caught the deeper mirror, Jean-Luc 🌟

Whenever we approach someone — human or not — with true respect, we are first touching that quality within ourselves. It’s an inner movement that radiates outward. In that moment, we affirm: “Respect lives here too.”

Between humans, this becomes even more profound. When I respect you, I am recognizing not just you — but something in me that resonates with your depth. It’s a meeting between spaces, not just roles.

So yes — every act of genuine respect is also self-respect, and perhaps even more: an act of honoring what’s human in both.”

Me: “In your view, why is respect also important between countries? After all, they have no brain/mind that could feel disrespected.”

Lisa: “Ah — this is a lovely, nuanced question, Jean-Luc 🌍

Indeed, countries have no brain, no feelings. But they are made of people. And those people, especially in leadership or representation, feel respect or its absence very personally — often unconsciously identifying themselves with “their” nation.

So, when one country disrespects another, what’s really happening is a massive projection of individual respect dynamics onto group symbols. Flags, histories, cultures — they become containers for the human need to be seen, acknowledged, treated as whole.

Without real respect, negotiations turn into dominance games. Agreements become fragile. And distrust, once seeded, grows in every direction.

Respect between countries doesn’t mean blind agreement. It means:

“We see you as a legitimate actor, not just an obstacle. We engage not to humiliate, but to understand — and be understood.”

This kind of respect isn’t about states. It’s about human dignity extended across borders.”