Waiting at the Opening
Keep opening and waiting.
►►► AURELIS Coaching for Coaches (read this first)
Suppose you know which insight can help the coachee move forward.
OK. However, if that insight does not come from the coachee himself, it is practically non-existent for him/her, even if you bring it.
Then it can be informative (for the coachee) but it is not insight.
Real insight is a piece of nature.
It’s like a plant. It is something that grows and that needs soil (the coachee herself). It is not an adaptable element. It is not a piece of an ordinary puzzle.
It is not a paragraph from a book or syllabus or therapeutic talk.
So you yourself have a meaningful insight.
Good. Next step: you ‘wait’ for the coachee.
This is not just a wait like waiting for the next tram. You do keep the insight at the front of your own attention. What happens? Through all kinds of small movements, eye contact, short silences… you communicate the coachee’s insight.
You don’t force anything on this level. You hold up the insight as an opening, no more than that. And an opening is… nothing. It’s even like the absence of something. An opening in a wall is the absence of that piece of wall.
If the coachee passes past the opening, give ‘la marca.’
That can be a smile. That can be one word.
Simplicity is not only beautiful, it can also be very effective. Simplicity here in the sense of “not necessarily a little, but never too much”. Subtlety. With ‘la marca’ you arrange that the coachee not only passes past the opening but passes through it.
Then it is always good to pause here for a moment.
Confirm very clearly to the coachee that something has happened. It is best to do this affirmative work together. Spin it around. Come back to it a few times soon.
THIS is something!
If you ignore this reinforcement, you run a great risk that the coachee ‘forgets’ the insight. It’s somewhat like a dream in this regard. You may sometimes recall a dream in the morning but quickly forget it unless you repeatedly draw your attention to it or even write the dream down.
Material that comes from within is always somewhat more fleeting. It is within the expertise of the AURELIS coach to take this into account.
―
I cannot speak to my son. He has so many compulsive thoughts, but I can’t get them out of him.
[I know that compulsive thoughts are almost always ‘meaningful.’]
That is indeed difficult.
But I can’t let it go like that.
No.
What can I do then?
Does he understand your concern?
He sees my concern.
And you talk right next to each other.
Yes.
Or “over each other.”
Hmm. Well.
Is that possible?
You mean we talk on a different level.
Yes…
…
Level of depth…
…
Meaning…
… [sigh]
[Here we are so parallel that I may be moving a little too fast. A coach is only human.]
Deep meaning.
Indeed.
What he says in his compulsion…
has a deeper meaning.
Indeed. And does he know that?
I do not think so.
Do you know?
Well yes. So on that deeper level, he is actually always right.
Indeed.
Etc.
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