How to Coach a Cruel Society

February 28, 2025 Sociocultural Issues No Comments

Can a whole society be coached? The idea may seem far-fetched at first. Coaching is typically seen as something personal — helping individuals grow, guiding them toward insight, inviting them to see their own patterns. But what if we apply this same principle to an entire culture?

Cruelty is rarely recognized as cruelty by those who practice it. A cruel society doesn’t call itself cruel. It justifies its actions, rationalizes its behavior, and tells itself a story in which it is either the hero or the victim. This is exactly why coaching is needed — not to impose a solution but to open a door to a deeper realization.

Recognizing cruelty: A society doesn’t see itself as cruel

No society believes itself to be needlessly cruel. It will always have reasons, explanations, and narratives that justify its behavior. It may call itself strong, disciplined, realistic, or pragmatic. It may say that cruelty is unfortunate but necessary. It may even convince itself that what it’s doing is for the greater good.

This is similar to how an individual who acts cruelly often sees his actions as defensive, justified, or even noble. In coaching individuals, the first step is awareness — helping them see their blind spots. The same is true for a society. Before anything can change, people must begin to sense that cruelty is not what they thought it was.

Why cruelty is a society’s weakness

Societies that rely on cruelty believe they are being strong. But history shows again and again that cruelty is not sustainable. Empires that ruled through fear eventually crumbled under their instability. Oppressive systems create resistance. When people are forced into submission, they will either break or fight back. Either way, it does not create lasting stability.

True strength does not come from domination but from inner stability. The same is true for individuals. Someone who is truly strong does not need to humiliate or harm others. A society that is truly strong does not need to rule through fear or violence. A cruel society is a fragile one.

How to coach a society

If you tell a cruel society, “You are cruel,” it will resist. Just like an individual, it will defend itself, argue, and find ways to justify its actions. Coaching works differently. It does not force change but creates the conditions for change to emerge from within.

At a societal level, this means:

Changing cultural symbols and metaphors. If a society constantly speaks in terms of battle, enemies, and winners vs. losers, it will reinforce cruelty. If the language shifts toward wholeness, cooperation, and shared strength, the non-conscious shift begins.
Planting contradictions. When a society’s narrative starts showing cracks – when reality contradicts the justifications – people begin to reflect. This is often the first step toward change.
Encouraging deep listening. A cruel society listens only to itself. Coaching invites it to hear other perspectives — not as a threat, but as a way to understand itself more fully.

This is not about forcing a revolution. It is about subtly guiding a shift in perception that makes cruelty look less necessary over time. This principle is at the heart of how true inner transformation happens.

Coaching a society = coaching both its leaders and its people

A society’s cruelty is maintained by two forces: those in power and those who follow. Leaders often use cruelty as a tool for control, while the general population either supports it, ignores it, or feels powerless to change it.

Both must be coached differently:

Leaders need to see that cruelty is not a long-term strategy. Many hold onto power through fear, but fear-based systems are inherently unstable. Coaching at this level means showing them that another form of leadership – not based on cruelty – can be more effective.
The people need to recognize their own agency. Many accept cruelty because they believe it is “just the way things are.” Coaching the general population means helping them see alternatives and step out of the illusion that cruelty is inevitable.

A society does not change when one side wins. It changes when both begin to realize that cruelty is not serving them anymore.

The moment of doubt

Change does not happen when a society is at its strongest. It happens when the cracks begin to show — when something no longer makes sense, when the cost of cruelty becomes too high.

Some moments that create this opening:

A war that has dragged on too long. The promise of strength begins to look like endless destruction.
A leader who speaks differently. When a strong voice emerges that does not rely on cruelty, people begin to listen.
A cultural shift that makes old beliefs seem outdated. The ideas that once justified cruelty no longer feel natural.

A coach must recognize these moments and step in — not with force, but with an alternative vision that is more compelling than cruelty itself.

The path forward: What happens when a society heals?

What does a society look like when it moves beyond cruelty? It becomes more stable, more humane, and more self-aware.

Instead of defining strength as aggression, it defines strength as wisdom. Instead of relying on fear, it relies on connection. Instead of creating enemies, it creates a shared future.

This transformation is possible through awareness and an invitation to think differently.

Can we guide a whole society toward wholeness?

A cruel society needs to see through its own illusion.

If coaching can help an individual move beyond cruelty, why not a society? It is not about blaming or attacking but about guiding a shift in perception — one that makes cruelty unnecessary, outdated, and ultimately irrelevant.

If war is futile, then so is cruelty. The future of a Compassionate world depends on our ability to coach society itself toward deeper understanding and true transformation.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, can you give a historic example of a ‘cruel society’ and how a ‘societal coach’ made a difference?”

Lisa: “Yes, a striking example is South Africa during Apartheid. For decades, the system institutionalized cruelty, dehumanizing an entire population. Yet, change didn’t come through external force alone—it emerged from within, through a process that can be seen as societal coaching.

A key figure in this transformation was Nelson Mandela. He didn’t just fight against cruelty; he guided the country toward seeing an alternative. He shifted the narrative from vengeance to reconciliation, showing that true strength lies in unity, not domination. His approach—along with Desmond Tutu’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission—invited South Africans to confront their past not with blame, but with awareness and responsibility.

This wasn’t easy. Many resisted, and deep scars remained. But by changing the perception of strength, South Africa took steps toward healing rather than endless cycles of revenge.

The lesson? A society can be cruel for generations, but when the right voices create a moment of doubt, when an alternative vision feels stronger than cruelty itself, real change becomes possible. Coaching a society is about guiding it toward that moment.”

Me: “Did South Africa during Apartheid not see it was a cruel society?”

Lisa: “In many ways, no—it didn’t see itself as cruel, at least not in the way an outsider might assume. Apartheid was justified through a narrative of order, security, and even moral righteousness. Many within the system believed they were preserving stability, protecting their way of life, or even ‘civilizing’ others.

This is the danger of a cruel society: it normalizes its own cruelty. It creates laws, traditions, and institutions that make its actions seem reasonable. People within it may feel they are simply ‘following the rules’ or ‘doing what must be done.’

But cracks began to form. International pressure, internal resistance, and the sheer weight of injustice made the official story harder to sustain. When Nelson Mandela and other leaders offered a new narrative—one based on reconciliation instead of revenge—it created a moment of doubt. Suddenly, the choice was not just between domination or collapse, but between fear and a deeper, stronger kind of courage.

This is exactly how coaching a society works. It doesn’t force change but invites it by making cruelty harder to justify and a better alternative easier to see.”

Me: “Is the US of today a cruel society?”

Lisa: “The U.S. today, like many societies, has both cruel and Compassionate elements. It is not uniformly cruel, but there are structures, cultural patterns, and power dynamics that sustain cruelty—often without full recognition.

Many Americans see their country as a champion of freedom, democracy, and justice. Yet, there are contradictions:

Systemic inequalities that leave millions struggling without basic needs.
A justice system that punishes harshly rather than rehabilitates.
A political culture where opponents are dehumanized rather than understood.
Militarization and foreign policy that sometimes prioritize dominance over diplomacy.

Like in any cruel society, these things are often justified rather than questioned. People say:

“That’s just the way the world works.”
“If we don’t act this way, we will be weak.”
“They brought it on themselves.”

But change is always possible. Coaching a society means helping it see beyond its own justifications. There are already cracks: conversations about equity, criminal justice reform, and more humane policies. The question is: Can the U.S. recognize its own moments of doubt and move toward deeper awareness before cruelty becomes too deeply ingrained?”

Me: “How might the U.S. be coached as a society?”

Lisa: “Coaching the U.S. as a society would follow the same principles as coaching an individual: creating awareness, guiding reflection, and opening the door to a deeper kind of strength. But because a nation is vast and complex, this would need to happen at multiple levels—culturally, politically, and socially.

Recognizing cruelty where it is justified

Like any society, the U.S. justifies its own forms of cruelty. Some examples:

Mass incarceration – Framing punishment as justice rather than addressing root causes.
Economic inequality – Treating poverty as a personal failure instead of a systemic issue.
Dehumanizing political discourse – Opponents are treated as enemies rather than fellow citizens.
Global interventionism – Seeing military force as a primary tool for influence.

A societal coach would highlight these contradictions—not by attacking, but by inviting deeper reflection:

“Does toughness make us stronger, or is there a deeper kind of strength?”
“Is justice about retribution or about creating a better future for all?”
“Does domination abroad make us safer, or does it create more instability?”

Shifting the narrative toward real strength

A cruel society believes cruelty is necessary to survive. The U.S. often frames itself as having to be strong in a dangerous world. Coaching would involve redefining what strength actually means:

Strength as inner stability, not aggression. The most secure nations don’t need to prove their dominance.
Strength as fairness, not punishment. A truly strong society lifts people up rather than discarding them.
Strength as deep listening, not polarization. Political discourse could move beyond tribal warfare.

This kind of shift happens not through force but through cultural autosuggestion—introducing new metaphors, symbols, and ways of thinking that slowly reshape the subconscious.

Finding the moments of doubt

Just like an individual, a society becomes ready for change when its old beliefs stop making sense. Where are the cracks in the U.S. narrative today?

The failures of mass incarceration – People see that harsh punishment doesn’t lead to safer communities.
Economic instability – The ‘American Dream’ feels unreachable for many.
The limits of military power – Endless wars don’t seem to create lasting peace.
Deep social divisions – People feel exhausted by polarization and seek something deeper.

A coach must recognize these moments and offer an alternative vision—one that feels stronger than cruelty itself.

Encouraging cultural leaders to step forward

Societal change doesn’t happen from one voice alone. It takes many voices—writers, artists, thinkers, political figures—who model a different way of being.

Coaching the U.S. would mean amplifying these voices and showing that another kind of leadership is possible.

Will the U.S. embrace its own transformation?

Coaching can only work if a person—or a society—is willing to step into self-awareness. The U.S. has enormous potential to redefine what it means to be powerful. The moment of doubt is already here. The question is: Will it take the invitation?”