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In Ego against Ego, Egos Win and People Lose

January 11, 2025 Cognitive Insights No Comments

The battles between egos – whether they unfold between two people, political figures, or nations – often seem inevitable. Yet, these conflicts are distractions from a more dangerous confrontation: the ego’s relentless struggle against the total self.

This ‘battle of the future’ poses an existential threat, as the ego fights to maintain its fragile inner dominance, even at great cost. The results are catastrophic for individuals and society alike.

12 key highlights

1. Battles between egos – whether personal or political – are distractions from the deeper struggle of the ego against the total self.
2. The ego seeks external validation to maintain its fragile dominance, while the total self is self-sufficient and rooted in authenticity.
3. Ego-against-ego conflicts often project internal struggles outward, creating endless cycles of aggression and “shadow dances” of validation.
4. The illusion of victory in ego-against-ego battles only provides temporary satisfaction, leaving individuals and societies depleted and fragmented.
5. True strength comes from harmonizing the ego with the total self, aligning it with a deeper, unified purpose.
6. Ego-driven leadership escalates conflict, prioritizing domination over dialogue and perpetuating division and suffering.
7. Authentic leadership requires vulnerability, deep listening, and a commitment to dialogue over aggression.
8. Transcending ego battles involves letting go of conflict and embracing the total self’s inherent light and creativity.
9. The AURELIS approach emphasizes openness, inner strength, and alignment with deeper meaning to foster this transformation.
10. The metaphor of the sun and Earth illustrates the futility of the ego’s resistance and the transformative potential of alignment.
11. Ego-driven aggression leads to chaos and destruction, while alignment with the total self fosters peace, creativity, and flourishing.
12. The ultimate choice is ours: to continue battling or to align with the total self and unlock a life of authenticity and connection.

The fragile ego and the resilient total self

At its core, the ego is inherently insecure. It seeks validation from external sources – power, dominance, or admiration – because it cannot sustain itself. In contrast, the total self is self-sufficient and deeply rooted, the source of Inner Strength and genuine growth. Whether or not consciously aware of it, the ego sees the total self as its ultimate rival, fearing the dissolution of its illusory control.

Imagine the Earth as the ego and the sun as the total self. The Earth’s attempts to fight the sun are futile; the sun does not retaliate because it simply exists, radiating light and energy. But the Earth risks depleting its own resources or even hurtling into destruction through its defiance. The same is true for the ego — it cannot win this epic war, and in its resistance – including much infight between egos – it only deepens its suffering.

A shadow dance of endless aggression

Ego-against-ego conflicts often appear justified on the surface, but these ‘shadow dances’ are mostly projections of internal struggles onto external enemies. The ego finds validation in these battles, convincing itself that it is strong and victorious. But this illusion only fuels the cycle, creating more enemies and aggression.

This pattern underpins endless wars, whether between individuals or nations. Leaders driven by ego escalate conflicts unnecessarily, unable or unwilling to address the deeper systemic issues. As these battles rage, immense destruction and suffering follow — not as random consequences, but as predictable results of the ego’s insatiable need for validation.

The illusion of victory

Ego-against-ego battles often promise the illusion of full victory, but each ‘win’ is hollow, offering only temporary satisfaction before the ego demands another fight. This cycle may leave individuals and societies depleted, fragmented, and blind to the biggest danger: the ego’s disconnection from the total self.

To transcend this illusion, we must recognize that the ego cannot find peace through conquest. True strength lies in integration — accepting the ego as part of a greater whole and allowing it to align with the deeper self. As described in “The story of ego”, the path forward is not to suppress the ego but to broaden and harmonize it within the total person.

Leadership and the failure of diplomacy

Ego-driven leaders exemplify this pattern of aggression. Instead of listening deeply or seeking meaningful solutions, they wage wars – literal or figurative – to project strength. This approach distracts from their inability to address deeper challenges and perpetuates cycles of division and suffering.

For the same reason, in today’s world, there is little excellent diplomacy. Leaders often view listening as a sign of weakness, when in reality, it requires immense strength and courage. To truly lead, they must embrace vulnerability and engage with others from a place of depth and authenticity.

True leadership is rooted in openness and Compassion. As noted in “Open vision on leadership”, real leaders prioritize dialogue over domination, seeing their role as facilitators of collective growth rather than enforcers of ego-driven agendas.

Breaking the cycle of ego battles

The solution lies in transcending ego-driven aggression and harmonizing with the total self. This is not a matter of suppressing the ego but of aligning it with a higher purpose. The Earth, rather than fighting the sun, can cooperate with it, using its warmth and light to foster growth and abundance. This harmony costs nothing — the sun shines freely, offering its energy without conditions.

The AURELIS approach provides practical tools for the necessary transformation, emphasizing openness, inner strength, and a connection to deeper meaning.

The whisper of the sun

In the end, the sun whispers patiently to the Earth, offering its warmth and energy without expectation. The Earth’s battle is unnecessary; it need only allow itself to align. For individuals, this means letting go of ego-driven conflicts and embracing the total self. For leaders and societies, it means choosing dialogue and Compassion over aggression and dominance.

The consequences of staying blind to this deeper reality are dire. The ego’s relentless aggression knows no bounds, and its unchecked course leads to depletion, chaos, and destruction. But the alternative – a world aligned with the total self – is one of flourishing, creativity, and peace.

The choice is ours.

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Addendum

Me: “Lisa, this makes your job as a coach seem easier. The sun is already shining. You only need to let people align with themselves and they can take care of themselves.”

Lisa: “Exactly! That’s the beauty and essence of coaching in the AURELIS sense. The sun—the total self—is always there, shining with its limitless warmth and energy. My role as a coach is to gently help people see that they already have what they need within themselves.

It’s about fostering alignment, helping individuals reconnect with their deeper self, and dissolving the barriers that the ego builds. Once they tap into that connection, they naturally find their way toward growth, strength, and self-reliance. They don’t need coercion or external control—just an open invitation to let go and align.

In this sense, coaching isn’t about imposing solutions but about creating the space where people feel safe and inspired to explore and rediscover their inner light. The sun is always shining; the trick is learning to stop resisting it. This approach is both deeply respectful and profoundly effective, don’t you think?”

Me: “Sure.” 😊