Fear of abandonment

Heal Your Self 

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Anxiety, not simply being afraid

Anxiety assaults you. It seems at first sight an irrational happening. The situations that inspire you with fear, are therefore only provocations. The actual cause lies deeper. This means that a merely superficial striving towards control carries no solution within itself. It can even reinforce the fear of abandonment because it builds a defensive wall (against the getting abandoned again) that shuts out others. This provokes the becoming-abandoned, also if at the surface it looks rather like wanting to seize the partner. Love is incompatible with a prison.

Fear of loneliness

In fact, fear of abandonment is a fear of loneliness. It is not so much a fear to become abandoned by others, than it is a fear to be abandoned by your (deeper) self - that in itself also can find expression in others. It is this last abandonment that feels like deep loneliness. Many people easily manage being alone or even actively go towards it. A deep loneliness is something else, although of course it often occurs together. The feeling of loneliness holds the question to give more attention to contact with the deeper self. In this sense, it’s a sub-aspect of depression and can also evolve towards that.

Influence upon your current relationship

Fear of abandonment can have a negative influence upon your current relationship(s). The partner can feel used as a kind of buffer against a deep loneliness. If this last overgrows everything, there is no room anymore for the partner. The relation becomes problematic. It’s important therefore to be very open towards your partner. Not only (or even not) by showing your fear, but by showing that you will try to reach together behind your fear in order to be able to approach / love your partner this way so much better, more open, more directly. For that purpose, you can also look at domain such as ‘Living strongly as a couple’ and ‘Meditations with two’. The notion that your partner is not necessary to overcome your deep loneliness, already by itself creates more freedom in which the relationship can deepen and widen. Of course, if that relation itself (both of you therefore) is ready for that.
Autosuggestion sessions
  • A wall around yourself: protection or prison
    Fear of abandonment is like a wall around you that you can imagine now. You examine within yourself whether this wall feels like a protection, then to what extent the wall feels like a prison, and eventually, what it can mean to you if this wall disappears.
    Play Session
  • Earlier experiences and their commonality
    In your imagination, you return to an earlier experience of abandonment. Don't look at this as a cause for the current situation, but as something you can learn from, especially from what is underlying and feels as common.
    Play Session
  • The 'eventual' is personal and impersonal at the same time
    To a believer the 'eventual' can be God, but that doesn't need to be the case. It/he/she can at a symbolic level 'exist' for everyone. Everyone can have the feeling that eventually there is a 'warm presence' that one can always fall back on.
    Play Session
  • A raft at sea
    Imagine you are sitting on a raft in the middle of a calm sea. There is no detectable land in sight. You know, in your imagination, that you are here as long as you want, so you enjoy the sea and being alone. You see contact with your deeper self in everything.
    Play Session
  • Deeper contact with people
    In this session, you can feel a deeper connection with people from your daily surroundings, which cause you to feel close to these people and also become more independent of them. You know you can feel this deeper aspect in future relations.
    Play Session
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