{"id":186,"date":"2018-02-01T16:30:51","date_gmt":"2018-02-01T16:30:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/?p=186"},"modified":"2025-02-24T12:12:15","modified_gmt":"2025-02-24T12:12:15","slug":"about-tolerance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/empathy-compassion\/about-tolerance","title":{"rendered":"About Tolerance"},"content":{"rendered":"

One cannot be tolerant to something one doesn\u2019t know. So first comes Listening. Otherwise \u2018tolerance\u2019 can be quite in-tolerant.<\/h3>\n

\u201cYou must be tolerant.\u201d is of course a paradox.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Is tolerance then selective? It appears to be so. You could even define tolerance<\/em> as being intolerant to intolerance<\/em>. There is \u2013 at first sight \u2013 no contradiction in this. Even more, deeming yourself a \u2018tolerant person\u2019 and then accepting intolerance just like that, would be hypocritical.<\/p>\n

\u2018Being tolerant\u2019 clearly doesn\u2019t mean \u2018indiscriminately.\u2019<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Being tolerant is in the first place listening<\/em> to someone else\u2019s opinion. Then: trying to understand it, doing an effort to look at it from the other\u2019s viewpoint, putting your own viewpoint next to it, showing the latter in an optimally understandable way.<\/p>\n

Without knowing the other\u2019s opinion, how can you be tolerant to it?<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You cannot. In that case, it\u2019s just ignoring that opinion.<\/p>\n

When you have done your listening well, then to tolerate the other\u2019s opinion is not necessarily to agree with it. It\u2019s about being open<\/em>, including being open to change your<\/em> opinion, even to change as a person.<\/p>\n

Being tolerant is not easy and simple. It can be very<\/em> demanding.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s also personal. One person has more patience than another, or can listen better. And that makes the world a more interesting place. So many differences are so many occasions to learn and grow.<\/p>\n

Being intolerant is \u2013 as a matter of fact \u2013 the opposite: not<\/em> listening to the other\u2019s opinion<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

which thus remains alien, strange, even \u2018the enemy.\u2019 Reasons for not listening can be a strong feeling of being right, as in righteous<\/em>, or a sense of superiority<\/em>, even more so in combination with a fear to lose it. This is a problem especially when a whole society shifts towards more \u2018tolerance\u2019. Then the \u2018intolerant\u2019 may feel threatened and can retreat into a harder stance of righteousness and superiority.<\/p>\n

BUT\u2026<\/p>\n

Tolerance is not<\/em> about change without listening first!<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u2018Tolerance\u2019 without listening first may for instance result in not respecting deep values that may be present in the other person\u2019s culture or subculture and that should not be changed from outside.<\/p>\n

Change should come from inside.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Then it is growth. What appears as intolerance may be a reaction to change-from-outside, driving the \u2018intolerant\u2019 to a stronghold of values. The \u2018intolerant\u2019 may be right in the end: values should not be abandoned too readily. Any change-from-outside is not what tolerance is about. Even more, so-called \u2018tolerance\u2019 can in such case become the height of IN-tolerance. This may bring about a huge societal divide. If the \u2018tolerant\u2019 do not understand this or even take a morally condescending pose, the clash heightens \u2013 which, by the way, is happening right now (again) in several parts of the world.<\/p>\n

Listen and ask to be listened to.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you keep Listening deeply (thus, with a big \u2018L\u2019) and you try to agree and this comes from both sides and still you don\u2019t agree, that is not \u2018intolerance.\u2019 That is simply a disagreement. However, if one doesn\u2019t want to listen at all, then there is intolerance. You should not accept intolerance. You can try to understand why the other doesn\u2019t listen, but also respect yourself. Someone can be intolerant to you because<\/em> he sees that you do not respect yourself. This is understandable. If you don\u2019t respect yourself, how can you listen to someone else in the first place?<\/p>\n

So, can you<\/em> Listen?<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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One cannot be tolerant to something one doesn\u2019t know. So first comes Listening. Otherwise \u2018tolerance\u2019 can be quite in-tolerant. \u201cYou must be tolerant.\u201d is of course a paradox. Is tolerance then selective? It appears to be so. You could even define tolerance as being intolerant to intolerance. There is \u2013 at first sight \u2013 no Read the full article…<\/a><\/p>\n

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