{"id":1687,"date":"2018-07-13T14:20:17","date_gmt":"2018-07-13T14:20:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/?p=1687"},"modified":"2018-09-02T15:49:02","modified_gmt":"2018-09-02T15:49:02","slug":"the-public-speakers-beyond-us-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/public-speaking\/the-public-speakers-beyond-us-them","title":{"rendered":"The Public-Speaker\u2019s Beyond Us-Them"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>Within the brain, \u2018positive to us\u2019 is related to \u2018negative to them\u2019. As any person, a speaker can go beyond.<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p><a name=\"_Toc520018337\"><\/a><strong>Us-Them is the basis of morality.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>[see: \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog?p=1339\">In-Group Creates Out-Group?<\/a>\u2019]<\/p>\n<p>More concretely, the same hormones (oxytocin\u2026) and related brain structures that aid in making an \u2018us\u2019 (think of a mother and her suckling baby) also aid in making a \u2018them\u2019 (think of protecting one\u2019s children against \u2018the enemy\u2019). Thus, the brain is keen on us-them differentiation. No wonder in view of natural group evolution.<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, the human brain is very flexible in how-to, thanks to our huge capacity of neuronal \u2018subconceptual\u2019 processing. Herein also lies our capacity for ego-transcendence.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>To divide is easy, to unite\u2026 also<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Uniting people, you show how the final common cause may be reached from different angles. It\u2019s a search for common ground. On this basis, you can make your audience feel like you are one of them. Then show that you <em>believe<\/em> in making them together with you a bigger \u2018us\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>Some tips:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Dress = important. It\u2019s also for you to remember who you are. It\u2019s for them to see you as one of them, perhaps with some higher status but still one of them.<\/li>\n<li>95% of time, have eye contact.<\/li>\n<li>Before your talk: say hello to as many people as you can, also so you may be able to refer to this.<\/li>\n<li>Powerful pause: great speakers do that a lot. When uncomfortable\u2026 slow down, pause. Always pay attention: one group is not the other.<\/li>\n<li>Try to include the decision maker in your expanding \u2018I\u2019, through the audience.<\/li>\n<li>Get to know the audience\u2019s key concerns, especially those they have never shared, that don\u2019t show up in the pre-questionnaire. What would make a massive difference? (write a narrative\/profile about this) Why should people listen to you and change their life?<\/li>\n<li><a name=\"_Toc520018345\"><\/a> At question time, make sure you answer questions in a way that is interesting to all.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This way, the audience gets \u2018into the zone\u2019 with you. You become embedded in their conversation; they refer you (and you can charge more).<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><a name=\"_Toc520018341\"><\/a><strong>Look at the audience as \u2018us\u2019.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a name=\"_Toc520018342\"><\/a>Having \u2018them\u2019 inside \u2018I\u2019 also shows in your preparation. For an \u2018us\u2019, you will spontaneously prepare better. You will talk to the right person in order to know this, make the right internet inquiries etc.<\/p>\n<p><a name=\"_Toc520018343\"><\/a>Don\u2019t look at the audience as a blob. That definitely creates a \u2018them\u2019. Look at single persons, in a \u2018series of conversations\u2019.<\/p>\n<p><a name=\"_Toc520018344\"><\/a>You may push against cultural norms with respect for deeper values. Show people they can \u2018broaden the us\u2019 also culturally and without losing one\u2019s own cultural deeper-values. As an international speaker, you open your audience this way to \u2018see you as international thought leader they can trust.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Oxytocin at world level \ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Heightening \u2018us\u2019 through emphasizing us-them<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>is instantly gratifying. According to me, it\u2019s never the ideal way. At a deep level, it diminishes your possibilities to <em>transcend<\/em> dividedness (again: through ego-transcendence) in many inspired and inspiring ways.<\/p>\n<p>As a speaker, one should always strive to be a unifier \u2013 within the bounds of common sense.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>If the audience is already in an us-them-ing situation<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>(workers versus management\u2026), it\u2019s tricky to transcend. To them, you\u2019re either \u2018with us or against us\u2019. So it\u2019s better to start \u2018with us\u2019 while <em>from that same start onwards at<\/em> least not heightening the \u2018us-them\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>Best is to take a position that later on doesn\u2019t make you look like changing your mind. Take care not be seen afterwards as \u2018traitor\u2019, which is brain-wise more tricky then plainly being \u2018one of them.\u2019<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Final goal of public speaking<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>According to me: bringing people together in a way that doesn\u2019t downgrade their deeper values + heightening their motivation to act this way.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually, deeply uniting is a very powerful motivator.<\/p>\n<div data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkwrap cbxwpbkmarkwrap_no_cat cbxwpbkmarkwrap-post \"><a  data-redirect-url=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\"  data-display-label=\"0\" data-show-count=\"0\" data-bookmark-label=\" \"  data-bookmarked-label=\" \"  data-loggedin=\"0\" data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig  cbxwpbkmarktrig-button-addto\" title=\"Bookmark This\" href=\"#\"><span class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig-label\"  style=\"display:none;\" > <\/span><\/a> <div  data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap\" id=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap-1687\"><div class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguest-message\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguesttrig_close\"><\/a><h3 class=\"cbxwpbookmark-title cbxwpbookmark-title-login\">Please login to bookmark<\/h3>\n\t\t<form name=\"loginform\" id=\"loginform\" action=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-login.php\" method=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-username\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_login\">Username or Email Address<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"text\" name=\"log\" id=\"user_login\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-password\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_pass\">Password<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"password\" name=\"pwd\" id=\"user_pass\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-remember\"><label><input name=\"rememberme\" type=\"checkbox\" id=\"rememberme\" value=\"forever\" \/> Remember Me<\/label><\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-submit\">\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"wp-submit\" id=\"wp-submit\" class=\"button button-primary\" value=\"Log In\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"redirect_to\" value=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/form><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Within the brain, \u2018positive to us\u2019 is related to \u2018negative to them\u2019. As any person, a speaker can go beyond. Us-Them is the basis of morality. [see: \u2018In-Group Creates Out-Group?\u2019] More concretely, the same hormones (oxytocin\u2026) and related brain structures that aid in making an \u2018us\u2019 (think of a mother and her suckling baby) also <a class=\"moretag\" href=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/public-speaking\/the-public-speakers-beyond-us-them\">Read the full article&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n<div data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkwrap cbxwpbkmarkwrap_no_cat cbxwpbkmarkwrap-post \"><a  data-redirect-url=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\"  data-display-label=\"0\" data-show-count=\"0\" data-bookmark-label=\" \"  data-bookmarked-label=\" \"  data-loggedin=\"0\" data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig  cbxwpbkmarktrig-button-addto\" title=\"Bookmark This\" href=\"#\"><span class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig-label\"  style=\"display:none;\" > <\/span><\/a> <div  data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"1687\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap\" id=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap-1687\"><div class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguest-message\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguesttrig_close\"><\/a><h3 class=\"cbxwpbookmark-title cbxwpbookmark-title-login\">Please login to bookmark<\/h3>\n\t\t<form name=\"loginform\" id=\"loginform\" action=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-login.php\" method=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-username\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_login\">Username or Email Address<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"text\" name=\"log\" id=\"user_login\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-password\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_pass\">Password<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"password\" name=\"pwd\" id=\"user_pass\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-remember\"><label><input name=\"rememberme\" type=\"checkbox\" id=\"rememberme\" value=\"forever\" \/> Remember Me<\/label><\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-submit\">\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"wp-submit\" id=\"wp-submit\" class=\"button button-primary\" value=\"Log In\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"redirect_to\" value=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/form><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1700,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/230-1.jpg?fit=960%2C568&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9Fdiq-rd","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1687"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1955,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\/revisions\/1955"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1700"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1687"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1687"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1687"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}