{"id":16019,"date":"2024-06-22T19:37:35","date_gmt":"2024-06-22T19:37:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/?p=16019"},"modified":"2024-06-23T08:39:04","modified_gmt":"2024-06-23T08:39:04","slug":"wish-or-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/coaching\/wish-or-problem","title":{"rendered":"Desire or Problem?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Someone approaches you \u2013 as an AURELIS coach \u2013 with either a problem (negative) or a wish (positive). How can you determine which it is in each specific case?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">\n<p>This distinction depends on interpretations rather than facts. Every problem is a desire, and every desire is a problem.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>So, as an AURELIS coach<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a coach, you also choose whether you work on &#8216;problem solving&#8217; or &#8216;wish fulfillment&#8217;. Usually \u2013 therefore sometimes not \u2013 the latter is more powerful. The non-conscious mind is crazy about wish fulfillment. It thrives on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Conversely, it seeks to avoid problem solving as swiftly as possible, viewing problems as obstacles in the path.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>It\u2019s also a matter of deep motivation and efficiency<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Problem: If you focus too much on problems, you lose sight of the path.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Desire: By focusing on the path, you see problems as boulders you can navigate around. Viewing challenges as opportunities to navigate can foster resilience and creativity in the coaching journey. <strong>Desires are drivers for growth and inner fulfillment.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>This aligns with the view that deep, non-conscious desires drive true motivation and growth, suggesting that lasting change comes from within, guided by deeper desires rather than superficial problem-solving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You see?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is it your problem that your glass is only half full?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>OR<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is it your wish to have a completely full glass?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then drink it completely?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enjoy it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can fill an empty glass completely again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enjoy it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>A deeper self harbors desires. An ego sees problems.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Meeting desires is the direction inward and from there outward, whereas problem solving typically remains external. This inward-outward approach can transform coaching sessions, making them more holistic and effective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This brings us to a very important concept: <strong>frustrationless desire.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>There are two types of &#8216;desire&#8217;:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8216;<strong>Desire<\/strong>&#8216; in the Freudian sense: This type of desire functions as a drive. According to Freud, a person is a collection of drives\/needs, constantly battling for satisfaction. This is akin to a steam boiler where delayed satisfaction increases pressure until it&#8217;s released, only to build up again shortly after.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Frustrationless desire<\/strong>: This is a pleasant feeling without frustration. You simply enjoy the desire. For instance, you may long for a cup of tea and enjoy the anticipation, feeling the warmth of the cup and experiencing pure pleasure. The same joy continues as you fulfill other desires afterward.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I call the <em>frustrationless desire<\/em> the true desire \u2015 a pleasant feeling.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I deliberately placed the first &#8216;desire&#8217; in quotation marks, and I would rather simply call it <em>frustration<\/em>. You just feel a frustration (not a pleasant feeling) that keeps building until it becomes frustrated. But what good is that? Does it provide deep satisfaction?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For coaches, focusing on coachees\u2019 wishes rather than problems creates a more empowering and motivating environment, fostering deeper engagement and sustainable change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, someone approaches you \u2013 as a coach \u2013 with obesity and the doctor&#8217;s urgent advice to address it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Let\u2019s make this an exercise: Overweight<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is it a problem or a wish, frustration or desire? Which terms would you use in the second column of the table below, that correspond with those of the first column?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Possible elements:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td>problem (complaint) \/ frustration<\/td><td>wish \/ desire<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>attack tactics&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>diet&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>medication without more (the weapon)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>emphasis on calories and body fat&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>not accepting yourself<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>relapse = even more frustration&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>regular failure<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>pit of dependence&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>therapist is an &#8216;ally&#8217;, a supporter in the war&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>the &#8216;ego&#8217; is opposed to the &#8216;deeper self&#8217; which is in fact the enemy that makes you eat &#8216;against your own will&#8217;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>willpower&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>\u2026 \u2026<\/td><td>&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>As a coach, it is very important to see your coachee&#8217;s situation in terms of wishes and (real) desires.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Problems are more likely to lead to frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Desires are more likely to lead to solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2015<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Addendum<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Me: \u201cLisa, can you make the exercise in this blog, enumerating your answer in a list?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lisa: \u201cExercise Completion:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Wish \/ Desire:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Sustainable lifestyle changes<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Enjoyable eating habits<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Holistic health approaches<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Focus on overall well-being<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self-acceptance<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Continuous growth and enjoyment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Consistent success<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Independence and self-reliance<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Coach as a guide towards growth<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The &#8216;deeper self&#8217; is aligned with the &#8216;ego&#8217; for holistic health<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Inner motivation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>By distinguishing between problem-solving and wish-fulfillment, you can better align with the deeper self, promoting more sustainable and enjoyable progress.\u201d<\/p>\n<div data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkwrap cbxwpbkmarkwrap_no_cat cbxwpbkmarkwrap-post \"><a  data-redirect-url=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\"  data-display-label=\"0\" data-show-count=\"0\" data-bookmark-label=\" \"  data-bookmarked-label=\" \"  data-loggedin=\"0\" data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig  cbxwpbkmarktrig-button-addto\" title=\"Bookmark This\" href=\"#\"><span class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig-label\"  style=\"display:none;\" > <\/span><\/a> <div  data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap\" id=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap-16019\"><div class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguest-message\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguesttrig_close\"><\/a><h3 class=\"cbxwpbookmark-title cbxwpbookmark-title-login\">Please login to bookmark<\/h3>\n\t\t<form name=\"loginform\" id=\"loginform\" action=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-login.php\" method=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-username\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_login\">Username or Email Address<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"text\" name=\"log\" id=\"user_login\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-password\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_pass\">Password<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"password\" name=\"pwd\" id=\"user_pass\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-remember\"><label><input name=\"rememberme\" type=\"checkbox\" id=\"rememberme\" value=\"forever\" \/> Remember Me<\/label><\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-submit\">\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"wp-submit\" id=\"wp-submit\" class=\"button button-primary\" value=\"Log In\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"redirect_to\" value=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/form><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Someone approaches you \u2013 as an AURELIS coach \u2013 with either a problem (negative) or a wish (positive). How can you determine which it is in each specific case? This distinction depends on interpretations rather than facts. Every problem is a desire, and every desire is a problem. So, as an AURELIS coach As a <a class=\"moretag\" href=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/coaching\/wish-or-problem\">Read the full article&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n<div data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkwrap cbxwpbkmarkwrap_no_cat cbxwpbkmarkwrap-post \"><a  data-redirect-url=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\"  data-display-label=\"0\" data-show-count=\"0\" data-bookmark-label=\" \"  data-bookmarked-label=\" \"  data-loggedin=\"0\" data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig  cbxwpbkmarktrig-button-addto\" title=\"Bookmark This\" href=\"#\"><span class=\"cbxwpbkmarktrig-label\"  style=\"display:none;\" > <\/span><\/a> <div  data-type=\"post\" data-object_id=\"16019\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap\" id=\"cbxwpbkmarkguestwrap-16019\"><div class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguest-message\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"cbxwpbkmarkguesttrig_close\"><\/a><h3 class=\"cbxwpbookmark-title cbxwpbookmark-title-login\">Please login to bookmark<\/h3>\n\t\t<form name=\"loginform\" id=\"loginform\" action=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-login.php\" method=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-username\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_login\">Username or Email Address<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"text\" name=\"log\" id=\"user_login\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-password\">\n\t\t\t\t<label for=\"user_pass\">Password<\/label>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"password\" name=\"pwd\" id=\"user_pass\" class=\"input\" value=\"\" size=\"20\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-remember\"><label><input name=\"rememberme\" type=\"checkbox\" id=\"rememberme\" value=\"forever\" \/> Remember Me<\/label><\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"login-submit\">\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"wp-submit\" id=\"wp-submit\" class=\"button button-primary\" value=\"Log In\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"redirect_to\" value=\"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/form><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16024,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2484.jpg?fit=960%2C560&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9Fdiq-4an","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16019"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16033,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16019\/revisions\/16033"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aurelis.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}